What Type of Person Really Makes a Terrible Roommate?
I have had my share of defunct roommates, and for me the definition of a bad roommate really has more to do with character than cleanliness. I believe that shallow idiosyncrasies are just not a good judge of a roommate. No, the definition of the worst roommate must have more depth than that.
My worst roommate came to be a person whom I had a budding friendship with in college. We were beginning to be more than acquaintances when we decided to get a place together and now I wish I had known her better before I agreed to spend 3 years in hell being her roommate. Actually there were three of us; me, her dorm mate and her. In the beginning when she would tell me how our soon to be “other” roommate was jealous of her going out solo with her boyfriend I would try to be helpful by pointing out that our soon to be “other” roommate would be appeased since I would be there to share the time with her. I guess I should have taken notice when she winced at that idea. She quickly moved into a stage of her and I against the “other” roommate. Problem is I was too naïve to see it at the time. Our third roommate would thwart me trying to connect with her and had decided to go out into the sorority world. What I didn’t realize is, let’s call her Sissy, was making sure she was always smack dab in the middle of me and our “other” roommate. I thought we were great friends and that our “other” roommate had issues. Truth is Sissy had the issues……..plainly stated she was a conniving, selfish, untrustworthy person!
In a nutshell…a description? Well…..if Sissy liked you when she first met you a month or so later she hated you and then would decide you were allowed back into her wonderful graces again. Or……she hated you when she first met you and then she would allow you to be part of her inner circle after a few months of being a first class witch. She acted as though she was queen bee and basically was friends with you until you no longer had something she needed. Sissy was a taker. Her boyfriend lived with us for a year and I told her he didn’t need to pay rent or electric because I would be basically paying the same whether he was there or not. During this time I freely offered the use of my car so they didn’t have to walk places since Sissy hadn’t brought her car down from New Jersey yet. They broke up after a year and he moved out. A year later my new boyfriend set up his computer at our house and told my roommates it was there for them to use whenever they needed. Sissy came to me a few weeks later and told me I should pay a larger portion of the electric bill since the computer was probably causing our electric bill to go up. Can you say WITCH?
By this time Sissy had her car at school, I will never forget getting up 2 hours before I needed to awake in order to drive her to class with the understanding that she would drive me to class when she got back home. She walked in and busied herself while I stood waiting for her to ante up…..she looked at me snidely and said “I guess you want me to take you to class now?” Hmmm….let me go on. Again another boyfriend of Sissy’s moved in with us when we moved to a two bedroom place and our “other” roommate moved in with her boyfriend. Again I did not ask for rent and there was no offer to help split the bills three ways. I paid ½ and they each paid a quarter. I was always blindly gracious to her boyfriends simply because they were important to her. I was trying to support what was apparently making her happy……as happy as someone of that sort could be. All the while she continued to be an absolute witch to my boyfriend, the one who had dared to offer the use of his computer to the entire house. She also had decided now I was on her “most hated” list and treated me accordingly. However she still would go into my room when I was not at home to borrow my socks or a shirt which I really think should be a privilege only reserved for a roommate who treats one with respect or a friend of mine. I couldn’t understand how she felt she was still entitled to those things even though she was openly nasty to me and probably even worse behind my back. I guess that is the mentality of a “taker”.
Sissy spoke highly of no one but talked about everyone, she was the first to exploit people’s weak points although she was riddled with her own. She was one of the biggest idiots in math I have ever met but made sure she pointed out every mistake I made in spelling in a very taunting and condescending matter. This was in spite of the fact I never said a word about how she had to ask me if she received the correct change at the store….or basically tell her what 20 + 20 was. She was one of the shallowest people I have ever met trying to disguise herself as some deep thinking hippie. If her team was winning she would shove it down your throat but look out if you wanted to ride her when her team was losing, basically Sissy was a very poor sport. She was so desperate to be “cool” that it made her very un-cool. I don’t think she knew how novel just genuinely being ones true self really is. Sissy hid behind a mocking smart ass exterior of trying to point out everyone else’s flaws so no one would look close enough to see the big flaw in front of their face…her!
The truth is the worst roommate one could ever goes deeper than the shallow differences roommates typically have. We all put the dishes away differently, some people love to vacuum some love to scrub showers. Some people rise early others are night owls. Those are just differences you need to get over if you are ever going to peacefully coexist with someone who was raised by different parents, in different households with different agendas. Those are so trivial compared to the major character flaws some people have of being completely selfish, crooked, controlling or just plain mean spirited. A disaster for a roommate is someone who makes you feel unwelcome in your own house and who could care less as long she perceives she is in control. Someone who is thrilled by knowing that you feel unwelcome all because you were too nice or to mature to sink their level and play a game of tit for tat. And yes I should have stood up for myself but all I can do is learn from my mistakes…….at least I have that ability. Sissy definitely was lacking in that ability as well as the ability to be a good, decent and truly kind individual. I am not speaking of the pretenses of thank you cards and birthday gifts, sometimes those are nothing more than acts of atonement. I am speaking about true compassion, open mindedness and the acceptance of people’s differences, strengths and limitations. The understanding of what is relevant and what is trivial when defining the merits of any person.
There were times I wish I had confronted Sissy on so many things but I was trying to preserve the peace. In my mind I was the one that had to live with her. I guess I thought I was being an adult and behaving above her immaturity.
There were times I wish I had just witch slapped Sissy…….I could see the shock on her face as my hand connected to her face making a sharp snapping sound. In the long run I believe in Karma and it has shown to be all encompassing even when it comes to Sissy. There are some things that have gone wrong for her that I would not wish on anyone, even Sissy. I know too that if she ever read this she would know it was about her and there is a good chance anyone who knows her would make the connection as well. I love Karma!
