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Top Ten Mustaches of the 80s

Keith Hernandez, Mustaches

Mustaches were still in and a hairy lip was very hip in the 80s. In music, television, movies and sports, men proudly sported these hairy reminders of their masculinity, and women everywhere fell for the machismo magic of the mustache. These days the ‘stache is just starting to make a comeback, though many in their 40s and beyond have been fighting the good fight in the intervening time, refusing to shave despite increasing social pressure. This list is a tribute to those who wore their mustaches with pride in the 80s and were worshipped by a generation of peach-fuzzed teenage males waiting for a surge of testosterone to emulate their idols.

10 – Isaac from the Love Boat

This friendly bartender never seemed to find the love that the cruise ship promised, but you can bet with that mustache there were plenty of women lining up for a one night stand.

9 – John Oates

Though he was one half of the pop duo Hall and Oates, he had a full share of facial hair. Only Darryl Hall’s platinum blonde hair could outshine Oates’ mustache. Can you tell we’re talking about the 80s here?

8 – BJ Hunnycut

Mike Farrell of M*A*S*H fame was keeping the mustache in vogue even while performing meatball surgery halfway around the world. Dozens of army nurses cried themselves to sleep at night, knowing BJ’s wife Peg would ever know the touch of his ‘stache.

7 – Lanny McDonald

If this was a top ten list of the biggest mustaches of the 80s this former Calgary Flame sniper would occupy the top three spots. Hockey players call them dusters, and you can bet the mantelpiece was always polished to a sheen in Lanny’s house.

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6 – Lando Calrissian

Lando was the smoothest man in space, and the mustache was simply the cherry on top. How Princess Leia could have chosen Han Solo is truly beyond me. Maybe she didn’t like hair in her mouth, but why would she rather kiss a wookie then? It all makes no sense.

5 – Freddie Mercury

The flamboyant front man for the band Queen might have liked to dress in drag, and we are all aware of his sexual orientation, but there was nothing feminine about that spectacular ‘stache.

4 – Geraldo Rivera

Famous in the late 80s for his talk show, Geraldo, this rugged news man proved his machismo by engaging in a brawl with skinheads. His nose was broken in the melee, but thankfully his mustache was unhurt

3 – Keith Hernandez

Hernandez wouldn’t be out of place on any number of top ten baseball lists, but when he crosses over to a list of the top ten mustaches of the 80s you know you’re dealing with a very special athlete. Hernandez and his mustache enjoyed a brief comeback when he appeared on Seinfeld in the 1990s, a brave move in that decade of anti-mustacheism

2 – Hulk Hogan

Hulkamaniacs everywhere cheered on this massive muscle-bound wrestling phenom. Hogan, easily the most famous wrestler of all time, never failed to entertain, coming back from almost certain defeat time after time, his mustache quivering in defiance, filling his opponents with terror.

1 – Thomas Magnum

Can there be any question ladies and gentlemen? This was a fine field, but one mustache clearly stands out above the rest when it comes to the top ten mustaches of the 80s. Tom Selleck was the man in the 80s. Guys wanted to be him, and women just plain wanted him. The mustache wasn’t the only weapon in Magnum’s hairy arsenal. If I ever write a top ten chest hair of the 80s article look for him to claim the top spot as well.