Pipe smokers are a dwindling lot these days. Not only has tobacco become public enemy number one, but even for people who do want to smoke, well, cigarettes are just so much faster and easier, and that occasional cigar doesn’t require all the hassles and accoutrements. Nonetheless, pipe smoking does have its appeal. Unlike cigarettes, one doesn’t inhale pipe smoke, so as bizarre as it may sound, it is a bit healthier to smoke a pipe. What’s more, inhalation develops the addiction, so if you smoke a pipe, you can watch that two-hour movie at the theater without being distracted that last half hour by your craving. And as relates to cigars, pipe smoke smells so much better, so opting for a pipe over a cigar may save your marriage.
Nonetheless, pipe smoking does require a certain talent. Like sex, it’s probably not going to be particularly good that first time, and yet that’s no reason not to give it another shot. With pipe smoking, it’s going to take a half dozen attempts or so before it gets to where it’s truly enjoyable. So for people who want to smoke a pipe, here are some tips to help you through the rocky apprenticeship.
Buy A Decent Pipe
You want to smoke a pipe, but you’re not sure if you’re going to like it, so instead of investing in a decent pipe, you decide to drop just a few dollars and get that corncob pipe or, worse, that ten-dollar thing made with cheap plastic. And that’s your first mistake. Corncob pipes aren’t the way to go, and that plastic thing for ten dollars will always taste like you’re smoking something from a cheap plastic bowl. Get a decent pipe. You don’t have to spend the thousands that some pipes cost, and you don’t even have to spend the hundreds that other good pipes cost, but you should be willing to spend at least fifty dollars for a pipe with a nice wooden bowl. Fifty won’t get you a great pipe, but it will get you a nice one to start with.
Buy a Decent Tobacco Again, if you’re going to try this, you might as well try it with something that doesn’t taste and burn like crabgrass. There are plenty of decent tobaccos readily available, although Captain Black is a good place to start, either in the blue bag or the white bag. The Captain Black in the gold bag is very thinly cut and burns so fast that you’ll get finger cramps keeping your bowl loaded. And don’t be suckered by the flavored stuff. Pipe smoke smells wonderful, but only to those who aren’t smoking the pipe. The pipe smoker never smells the smoke, so for you that cherry or vanilla or whatever flavor is just some chemical you’re ingesting that’s having no effect on your senses.
Break Your Pipe In
New pipes must be seasoned, so when you get that brand new pipe, don’t load the bowl full. You’ll end up with a smoking experience that tastes very burned and even has a chemical flavor. Load the pipe only about a quarter full. Do that a few times, then load the pipe half full, also for a handful of times. By then the pipe is close to seasoned, but do a three-quarters bowl a couple of times before you go for the full-bowl experience.
Don’t Smoke the Same Pipe Too Often
You bought the new pipe, you got the good tobacco, you loaded the bowl a quarter full, and it was such a great experience that you want to do another quarter bowl right away. Don’t. Pipes need to cool. Every time you light your pipe up, you create resin that sits in the bowl and goes up the stem, so if you smoke a bowl right after you just had one, what you end up tasting is not tobacco but resin. It’s very unpleasant. If you want to have another bowl but own only one pipe, wait about twenty minutes. Incidentally, this is why devout pipe smokers have so many pipes. Rotating their pipes throughout the day and night allows them always to have a fresh, resin-free smoke.
