The automobile world is bloated with too many masculine machines. Like peacocks in heat, they strut about parading their machismo and ego, hood scoops and body kits gleaming. Middle-aged men in mid-life crises salivate over their striated contours and their belligerent bodies, their murdered-out racing stripes and their glimmering chrome wheels. These vehicles, including the likes of the Dodge Challenger SRT8, Jeep Wrangler Rubicon, Chevrolet Corvette Z06 and Ford F-150 King Ranch, are so masculine, so gallant and so strapping that every man everywhere peeks at his abs after passing one.
Masculine cars, look out! As of late, women have been migrating in a great diaspora toward cute cars. That’s right: cute. Adorable cars, lovable cars, cars so endearing that every women everywhere has hallucinations of kittens after passing one. The punch line is that her husband secretly wants one, too.
Cute Goes Green: 2013 Ford C-MAX
At first glance, the C-Max looks like a bunny. At second glance, the C-max still looks like a bunny, but one with bounce. All-new from Europe, the five-door hybrid hatchback offers the fuel economy of a Prius with the cargo room of an Escape. With 188 combined horsepower, the C-Max isn’t slow on the go, either. Typical of European cars, the C-Max is available with numerous high-tech features, including the SYNC infotainment system, the MyFord Touch control system and an automatic parallel-parking system. Some of its features wouldn’t be out of place in vehicles two or three times its modest price tag. For maximum cuteness and efficiency, there’s no beating the C-Max.
From Swanky to Sweet: 2013 Volvo C30
In times past, Volvo’s automobile design language was limited to various combinations of rectangles. Today, Volvo produces some of the swankiest vehicles on the road, one of which, the C30, turns swanky into sweet. Sourced from Sweden, the stylish three-door hatchback fits up to two teenyboppers and their parents. It is as quirky as it is cute, complete with two fully-bolstered, cozy second-row seats and a center floating stack. On the road, the C30 puts out 227 turbocharged horsepower and achieves up to 30 mpg with a manual transmission. Quite frankly, there’s nothing else like it on the market.
The only thing stranger than the Veloster’s name is its appearance. Pick an animal at random; be it platypus, English bulldog or mouse, the Veloster somewhat resembles it. Part of that biological phenomenon is due to the hatchback’s unique set-up. The left side has one door, while the right side has two. Ingenious? Ignorant? It doesn’t matter! The Veloster is a direct shot at the Millennial Generation, those individuality-obsessed young adults who couldn’t stand to be seen riding shotgun in a Camry. To seduce said young adults, the Veloster comes with flair, fanfare, a comfortable ride and lots of technological gizmos, including standard Bluetooth phone connectivity, an excellent audio system with USB/iPod input and a satellite radio subscription.
Batting a 1000: 2013 Fiat 500
In 2012, Fiat returned to American shores for the first time in 28 years. To mark its debut, Fiat picked the 500 as its supermodel. A more cunning marketing decision was never made. In a single synchronized motion, women poked their husbands and giggled, “Look at it! It’s sooooo cute!” The 500, a diminutive subcompact hatchback with more attitude than vehicles twice its size, has room for four fun-sized occupants and 6.5 cubic feet of standard storage space. As performance goes, the 500 is one of the best available urban runabouts, with 101 horsepower and a drift-happy tail. The 500 is also available as a cabriolet—that’s European for convertible—which has a semi-retractable roof that collapses like a window shade. Isn’t that cute?
The title for this article could just as well have been, “Top Cars Your Husband Will Hate” or “Top Cars for a Cheerleader.” A few years ago, no self-respecting man with an iota of chest hair would allow a Beetle within 30 yards of his garage, but after a recent redesign, the Beetle is now one-car-fits-all. Volkswagen streamlined the curves, ditched the flower vase and added horsepower. Now, the Beetle is available in a comfortable base edition or a gung-ho Turbo version. Regardless, the Beetle has an iconic shape, lots of headroom, excellent features and more cuteness than a toddler with a puppy.
Adorable but Anemic: 2012 Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder
Mitsubishi’s most famous sports car is the Evolution X, a fire-breathing, rice-burning rally racer. The Eclipse Spyder is its lady-like counterpart, a voluptuous boulevard cruiser with a power-retractable three-layer soft-top roof. And it’s kind of terrible. The two-door convertible has abundant standard features, including leather upholstery, a sunroof and heated front seats, but it lacks all athleticism. The anemic powertrain has just 162 horsepower routed through a sluggish four-speed automatic transmission. Modern competitors offer almost double the horsepower and gears. Combined average fuel economy is just 23 mpg. In short, beneath the delightful sheet metal is a car with a long overdue date with the chopping block.
Say Cheese!: 2013 Mazda Mazda3
Mazda 3 has been one of the top three popular cars since 2010, and the number 1 for 25-year old’s according to a statistics condu cted by a Canadian insurance company. The word of the day is “anthropomorphic.” It is a fancy synonym for personification, which is the act of giving human characteristics to animals, plants or inert objects. With its giant grin, the Mazda3 is a textbook example of anthropomorphic qualities. The sprightly compact sedan jollily jaunts about the world propelled by either a 2.5-liter or one of two 2.0-liter engines. The more advanced 2.0-liter engines achieve up to 40 mpg, some of the best figures in the class. With any engine, the Mazda3 is a joy to toss about thanks to its peppy performance and dynamic steering. It also has strong safety ratings and numerous standard features.
Cute Comes with a Bite: 2013 Mini Cooper
The Mini Cooper is the Shirley Temple of automobiles: feisty, talented and charming. While women love the car for its teeny size, men love the car for its sprightly handling, making the Cooper the quintessential cute car. It also comes in more flavors than Baskin Robbin’s ice cream; Hardtop, Coupe, Roadster, Convertible, Countryman and Clubman. Most of the above are further subdivided into base trims, performance S variants and John Cooper Works high-performance editions, and all can be outfitted with a rich variety of two-tone colors schemes, upholstery patterns, rim designs, paint jobs and other accoutrements. Lest its drivers forget its talents, the Cooper also comes with a Brobdingnagian speedometer stamped smack-dab into the middle of the dashboard.
The RX 350 is a cute-ute for the well-heeled. It pioneered the premium crossover market back in 2003, and 10 years later, it is still going strong. With a plush ride, superb cabin construction and immediate power delivery, the Lexus RX 350 does everything a crossover is supposed to do and does it well. Its snub nose and streamlined sides are a perfect fit for soccer mom and all her tweens. The vehicle defines the word, “family-friendly.” It has a quiet ride, spacious cabin, wood-grained appliqués, excellent features and the most motherly nature south of Big Mamma.
A Divine Experience: 2013 Volkswagen EOS
The Eos is named for the goddess of dawn. And it is a convertible. If that doesn’t justify its femininity, what does? The Eos is a hardtop convertible with rounded features and a trim profile, leading many men to denigrate it as a “chick car.” Yet the Eos is a phenomenal vehicle. It has a powerful 2.0-liter turbocharged engine, a capable suspension and the crème de la crème of Volkswagen’s features, including a touch-screen navigation system, LED daytime lights and full parking sensors. Need more be said?
Actually, yes. As evidenced by cars like the Mini Cooper and Volvo C30, cute cars aren’t just cute. They, too, can be fast, sporty and fun. But, of course, women already knew that, right?
