It sucks being the middle child. Even though I am pushing 40 years old, the effects of being the middle child still linger with me to this day. I know my parents love me but I am always, and have always been, the least appreciated out of us three children.
Middle child syndrome is very real. I know because I live it on a daily basis. The middle child often feels that they don’t belong. The first-born sibling is put on a pedestal and the youngest sibling gets away with the most. The middle child is just – there. There are the least number of pictures of the middle child and the middle child has to work harder in order to be noticed.
Some studies say that middle children do not like to take the limelight and that they are not overachievers. I have found this theory to be false. As a middle child, I was always an overachiever in everything I did and I craved attention. I pushed myself extremely hard and had to excel in everything I did so my parents would notice me. Even if they didn’t, others would congratulate me and reward me for my accomplishments.
Middle children tend to be very creative and artistic. I have found this to be true in my situation. I have always been gifted with a musical talent that I embraced as a child. I used my talent and excelled in all musical aspects in school. Music was the one area in my life where I was secure. I knew that I was good and music became my safe haven. Even though I excelled in this area, I still wasn’t good enough to earn the acceptance of my parents. My older sibling’s activities and my younger sibling’s lack of interest in activities is what they focused their attention on.
Even as adults, things have not changed. My younger sibling and I went through a divorce at the same time. My parents depended on me to help my younger sibling and they were so focused on his problems, they forgot that I was going through the same thing.
Out of the three of us children, I am by far the most independent. My siblings live within five minutes of my parents. I live over half an hour away. I used to live in the same town as my parents but I needed to get away and get some distance. It was just too hard knowing how much they did for my siblings when I was right there as well.
My mother and oldest sibling will often do things together, in the town where I live, and they don’t include me. It hurts a lot. I keep asking myself, “When will I matter? When will I ever measure up to my siblings?” Even after almost 40 years, I still have hope that maybe someday I will fit in and belong.
Most parents are not willing to admit that they show favoritism among their children. The fact is almost every parent with two or more children are guilty of showing favoritism. Parents tend to favor the child that is most like them. One of the best things a parent can do for their children is to celebrate what they love about each child. Listen to the needs of each child and treat them all the same. Parents should also never compare siblings to each other. Parents need to reward and treat their accomplishments individually.
Parents should get their children involved in different activities. This way each child has a chance to shine individually and they also will each have their own group of friends.
Parents need to go out of their way to make sure their middle child is not feeling neglected. The middle child’s thoughts, opinions and needs are just as important as the other children in the family.
