My siblings and I are all the products of a biracial marriage (that’s the five of us in the picture below). My father was born and raised in the state of Delaware, and is of English, Irish, German and Welsh descent. My mother, on the other hand, was born and raised in the country of Panama, and is a darker-skinned woman of Spanish, African, and Amer-Indian descent. Our parents met when my father was stationed in Panama with the U.S. Army over 38 years ago. Besides their 17 year age difference, their culture and upbringing couldn’t have been any more different. My father was raised as the much-nurtured son of a small, relatively well-off family. My mother on the other hand, was one of 12 children, born into poverty and given away by her mother at an early age, to be raised by a somewhat cruel grandmother on her father’s side.
For the five of us kids, growing up biracial has certainly been a source of confusion, and oftentimes, frustration. Matt Kelley, founder and president of MAVIN Foundation, an organization to raise awareness of mixed heritage people, says that, “For children who grow up familiar with two or more cultures, it can be traumatic to be forced to choose a single racial identity. They know that they are part of more than one culture, and yet the messages that they receive often reinforce the idea that they are unnatural or alone.” Additionally, a recent study of 90,000 middle and high school students found that adolescents who identify as biracial children are at higher risk for health and behavior problems such as depression, substance abuse, and difficulty in school as compared to adolescents who identify with only one race. The researchers hypothesize that one of the main risk factors is stress associated with identity conflict.
Growing Up Biracial
Interestingly, each of the five of us had our own vastly different experiences growing up as biracial children. One of my sisters is darker skinned than the rest of us, more like my mother. Her hair is coarser and has to be relaxed to make it straight and smooth. Therefore, people who meet her have always assumed that she was black, or at least partly black, and she’s had to deal with many of the prejudices particular to that racial group.
At the other extreme, one of my brothers is extremely fair-skinned. He is actually unable to tan in the sun, and instead, only gets red and blistered. He hates being this pale, and has mentioned feeling like an outsider amongst us. Myself and the remaining 2 biracial children in our family, are probably an even mix of skin hues between our two parents. Sometimes people will think we are white, especially in areas where there are few Latinos. And, other times, people will assume we are completely Hispanic.
For me, growing up biracial was a difficult experience. In the schools I attended, it was uncommon to come across other mixed children. It always seemed to me that I just didn’t belong to any group. I wasn’t white enough to fit in with the caucasian children, and I did not know enough about the Hispanic culture, traditions and language to fit in with that side either. Even within our extended families, we experienced some prejudice as grandparents and aunts would often refer to us as the “white kids” or the “dark kids” (depending which side of the family was referring to us). I remember sometimes feeling ashamed when I was younger and my mother would show up to school to pick me up or for a meeting with my teacher. I would notice everyone staring at her strangely, and some people even asked me later if she was my maid, or if I was adopted.
How to Foster Pride in Biracial Children
I’m not a medical expert in the field of psychology for biracial children. However, I do feel that being in this skin for 37 years has given me insight and understanding towards finally accepting myself and being proud of growing up biracial. It took a long time for me to feel this way though.
If you are raising biracial children, try to be sensitve to their unique situation and do all you can to foster their self-worth even if they appear to be well-adjusted. I personally never shared my feelings and frustrations about growing up biracial with my parents, probably so as to not hurt their feelings. The following are some of the most important things I think a parent can do to help a child deal with the dilemmas facing biracial children in our society today:
1. Teach Your Child to Love and Accept Themselves. This is the single most important thing you can do for any child. Unfortunately, I grew up in a time when parents weren’t as concerned about helping to develop their child’s self-love and self-esteem. But especially when dealing with biracial children, its essential to help them to learn to love and accept themselves. They will need this extra “armor” in order to face some of the prejudice and ignorance they will be exposed to out in the world.
2. Teach Your Child about the Interesting Aspects of the Different Races Within Them. Help your child celebrate all their diversity. Take time to tell them stories about their past relatives of various races and the great things they did, or the kind of people they were. Share with them the traditions inherent in each of the races they are a part of. These things will help foster a sense of pride in their mixed heritage.
3. Show Your Child How to Speak up in the Face of Ignorance. People who may not be able to tell that I have Latino or Black descent, will oftentimes make derogatory comments about either of these two races in front of me. It takes a lot of courage to speak up assertively and let someone know that you have part of a race in you that they are putting down. The intent is not to argue, but to try to educate people about how their comments are hurtful and insensitive. It will make your child feel empowered to defend their identity in this way.
4. Find Multiracial Role-Models for Your Child to Look Up To. I was surprised at how proud I felt when Barak Obama was elected president. Most people want to see him as just a black man, but I saw him clearly as being biracial, and for this I felt a special kinship with him. Give your children successful examples, such as President Obama, that they can look up to with pride. This website lists famous and successful individuals who grew up as biracial children: http://www.mixedfolks.com/mfc/Welcome.html. Sharing this type of information with your biracial children, in appropriate doses, will help them appreciate that they are not such a rarity.
5. Read Self-Help Books and Get Counseling for Biracial Children If Needed. if you notice that the stress of understanding who they are is really getting to your biracial child, then it might be time to get some help. It can be professional psychological help, or merely reading self-help books with them that will enforce the idea of self-acceptance in your child. I personally benefited from reading Pearl Fuyo Gaskins, What Are You? . It’s a collection of interviews, essays, and poetry from over 40 young adults ranging in age from 14 to 26, relating their experiences growing up as biracial children in the United States. I only wish I had had this book when I was a teenager struggling with my own identity issues.
A Bill of Rights for Biracial Children
I recently found the following “Bill of Rights for Racially Mixed People”, which was written by Maria P. P. Root, PhD. What a great anthem for biracial children everywhere:
I HAVE THE RIGHT…
Not to justify my existence in this world.
Not to keep the races separate within me.
Not to be responsible for people’s discomfort with my physical ambiguity.
Not to justify my ethnic legitimacy.
I HAVE THE RIGHT…
To identify myself differently than strangers expect me to identify.
To identify myself differently from how my parents identify me.
To identify myself differently from my brothers and sisters.
To identify myself differently in different situations.
I HAVE THE RIGHT…
To create a vocabulary to communicate about being multiracial.
To change my identity over my lifetime-and more than once.
To have loyalties and identification with more than one group of people.
To freely choose whom I befriend and love.
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