There are many different kinds of cookies. There’s the classic chocolate chip cookie. There is also the plainer, but equally good, sugar cookie. The peanut butter cookie is also popular these days and if you’re really crazy you could try a Macadamia Nut cookie.
There is one cookie that is unlike any other though. This cookie is crunchier than any cookie. The shape is very unique and it’s the only cookie that you would rather read than eat. I’m talking about the fortune cookie of course.
Many fortune cookies come with pretty simple fortunes like “you will experience good luck today. When someone gets these cookies it’s pretty boring, that’s a pretty generic future. For all I know not dying is good luck. Every once in a while you’ll get one of those fortune cookies that is great though. It’s just crazy, bizarre, and unordinary, that’s when you hit the jackpot. Here are some of the strangest fortunes found in a fortune cookie.
Note: I did not make any of these up, these are actual fortunes in actual fortune cookies.
One strange fortune cookie reads, “Life is not a struggle. It’s a wiggle.” Ok…I guess I see what it’s trying to say…ok, not really. What does that mean?
Another fortune cookie once read, “You are not illiterate.” As happy as I am to not be illiterate, that isn’t even a fortune! That’s a fact. A fortune would be something like, ‘you will not be illiterate tomorrow.” Still I give them points for trying to be a smarty pants. Stick to the fortunes though.
One of the spooky fortune cookie read, “About time I got out of that cookie.” Whoa! This…this fortune…it’s talking to me. It has a mind and a voice of its own! What should I do with it? Someone went through a lot of effort to put that fortune in that fortune cookie so it can’t be good. I know! I’ll drown it in my coke! Take that fortune!
“Don’t kiss an elephant on the lips today”, another fortune cookie reads. I have just two things to say about this fortune cookie. Number one, that’s not a fortune, that’s a command. Number two, I will just have to wait until tomorrow to kiss an elephant on the lips.
One confusing fortune cookie tells us, “Now is the time to make circles with mints, do not haste any longer.” Uhh… Umm…
I was very frightened when I read this fortune cookie, “Someone can read your mind.” What? Someone can read my mind? Oh boy this is not good. Lee, whatever you do, don’t think about that time you shot that man in El Paso. No! I told you not to think about that!
“Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.” *Gasp* This guy is in trouble! Someone should help him! I’m too tired though, I just ate.
I like this fortune cookie, “Because of your melodic nature, the moonlight never misses an appointment.” That is a good one; I’m going to try that as a pickup line.
Another odd fortune cookie tells me, “A Starship ride has been promised to you by the Galactic Wizzard.” Cool this is like a coupon, or a get out of jail free card. You just kind of stick it in your wallet because you’ll never know when you need a starship ride.
Finally I’ll leave you with my favorite fortune cookie, “Never wear your best pants when you go to fight for freedom”. Wait, that’s not the right fortune cookie. Oh, here it is, “Everyone agrees you are the best.” Thanks!
