So your teenage son has just slammed his bedroom door in your face again. You’re tiring quickly of his attitude but you’re quickly running out of ideas on how to handle his lack of respect for you, and his innability to see the truth in your words. This situation is universal in all households, and knowing the reason is usually the best way of overcoming this stressful situation.
The most common reason for this strife is two opposing forces meeting head to head. The teen’s desire to spread his wings and feel some independance, and the parent’s, realizing their slow but eventual loss of control, exerting more control on the teen, and pushing against his/her growing independance. On both sides, this is largely unconscious, and on the parent’s side, its out of caring for the child. Oftentimes the issue stems from the parent wanting to keep the teen from making the same mistakes he/she made at that time in their life.
So keeping this in mind, parent’s, do not blame your teen for suddenly growing moody, place yourself in their shoes, they are suddenly filled with new hormones compelling them in new unknown directions, not only that, but as their age increases, their desire to be more independant by owning a car, spending time out late, or other independance flexing activity increases as well. Just as teens shouldn’t be blamed, the parent’s should be free from fault as well. Its natural that after changing someone’s diapers and putting band-aids on their boo-boos for part of their life, they see their teens as a child still, its very hard to suddenly grasp this is a growing adult, and they oftentimes just want to experience the world and enjoy a bit of freedom.
So now that we know this, what should we do to stop a teen from acting so rash? If you let them get everything they want, they’ll surely be put in danger and learn life from an unhinged perspective. But if they get nothing, they may grow introverted, unhappy, and worst of all, grow to hate their parents. The correct answer is balance. Just take the five seconds to put the argument into perspective. Should you allow your son to go out until 4 in the morning for a party? Probably not, but maybe put in the parenting time to check, if its at a friend’s house, contact the parents, if you don’t know where, find out. Usually when a teen can’t tell you where, or who its with, they can’t be trusted. You may be the lame mom, but if you stick to being careful, but still allow them to spread their wings, their attitude should subside. Sometimes take a leap of faith and take your teen’s word for it. We often forget that in arguments, both parties are guilty. If you never supply your teens with rides, they may not feel compelled to do you favors, but if you reach out, swallow your pride, and occassionally do them a favor and foster a generous relationship with your teen, they’ll be sure to return the favor.
Just remember, the teen you have now is based on the child you raised. If you didn’t work to instill proper morals in your son or daughter, their attitude is not a result of push and pull between parent/teen, but improper parenting earlier in life. Don’t fret though, its never too late to turn someone around, just remember to see them as a growing person, treat them as you’d treat anyone with their personality traits, and they’ll surely be sculpted into world class adults.
