West Virginia Governor Joe Manchin has been trying to push a new slogan to help promote business to come to the Mountain State. For over 35 years, West Virginia has had the slogan “Wild, Wonderful West Virginia.” The new slogan would be “Open For Business”.
A source in the marketing department, who wished to remain anonymous, told me yesterday that the “Wild, Wonderful West Virginia” slogan isn’t going away for good. The slogan would still remain the state’s tourism slogan. However, the new slogan would be the dominant theme for 2007. The source also told me that the “Governor is really pushing this program as he is emphasizing the need for industry in West Virginia. This slogan is really for the short term.”
The real question that remains is what changes would be necessary for the new slogan to take effect. With a new slogan comes new state symbols.
The first thing that would have to change is the state flag and seal. The state flag was adopted in 1929, and like sport complexes, needs a spruce-up. The flag’s color would have to change to green with red border (with population and business comes crime) and the state seal, which includes two miners standing next to a rock with the state’s date of birth, would need to change to a cladly dressed female at a cash register with dollar signs on the top of the register. The words on the seal, “Montani Semper Liberi”, which means that mountaineers are always free, would also change to “Gimme all your money.” I’ll explain why in more detail in a moment.
The official day of West Virginia would also have to be moved from its present date, June 20, that represents the date that West Virginia became a state, to a date sometime in December, so the chance of a newly named college football bowl could come and bring all those advertising dollars with it.
The three state songs that were designed in 1863 would also have to change. Since the state loves goofy, wacky stuff like former resident Don Knotts (You remember him as Barney Fife and the ever-loving Mr. Furley from Three’s Company), the state could bring in the theme song from the old game show Press Your Luck. I can see those commercials now with the Whammy dancing to the new state song, “Gimme All Your Money” and think about all those new flags that can be sold with the song’s name on it.
The state animal has been the black bear since it was voted on in a poll of students, teachers and sportsmen in 1954. Sorry, but you have to go too. The new state animal will be a herd of sheep, which will stand for all the stupid business owners that actually buy this campaign. The second possible choice was of roadkill from all the traffic from this newly-found business, but the demo pictures were deemed too messy.
The state bird will change as well from the cardinal, that was adopted in 1949, to the ostrich. The ostrich will represent the citizens of West Virginia that will want to vomit if this slogan rolls into existence. The state butterfly might be the first to be able to remain. Joe Manchin might actually represent the monarch butterfly to residents who have really hated this plan.
The state fish will also remain. The brook trout became the official fish of West Virginia in 1973. However, there will be an addition of the DNR stock truck, the official vehicle of Open For Business, which sportsmen of the state have been following around since the invention of the car. It will represent the first business in the new era as lying fishermen all over the state will open exotic fishing chases to see if their bus can pursue, overtake, capture and give all the fish to the incoming new age of sportsmen to the Mountain State.
West Virginia’s fruit has been the golden delicious apple since 1972 because a West Virginia man discovered the variety. Anderson Mullins discovered the breed in 1905 in Clay County. The apple will be replaced by the lime. All that need be said, it worked for Coca-Cola, why not West Virginia.
The state gem is not actually a gemstone, but the government may want to promote something. The third-largest diamond ever found in the United States was found in the state near Peterstown in Monroe County. This is one area that can be a “throwback culture.” All we really need are a few descendants of the California Gold Rush coming east.
If you need a new spokesman for the campaign besides Whammy, look no further than our state insect. The honeybee has only been around for four years anyway, so why not make it the spider. Charlotte’s Web is a smash in movie theaters, so why not take advantage of cross-promotion. Have some really cool webs made up saying “Open For Business.” They’ll sell like hotcakes and it isn’t even Halloween. You can even keep the state tree, the sugar maple, for all those hungry business travelers that want pancakes for breakfast.
So as you can see, the new slogan isn’t all that bad. It just needs some fine tuning. Just remember who gave you some killer ideas Governor Manchin.
