Ordinarily you might be the most talkative members of your family. In your circle of friends you might be “Miss (or Mister) Blabby”. At times you might even get tired of listening to your own voice babbling on. Then it happens. You find yourself seated beside a total stranger and not a single word comes to mind. You might be seated at a wedding reception with couples you have never met before. You could be on a 3 hour plane ride sandwiched between two unknowns. You might be at a business convention between boring sessions with an assigned table partner. In every case the opportunity for conversation is obvious, in fact conversation can really help to pass the time and make a not so great situation become quite pleasant. Only problem is, you can’t think of anything to say that you feel is worth saying. These six tips for making conversation with strangers were meant for you and everyone that wants a little help to get the ball rolling.
1. Strangers become friends. Whenever you find yourself in that awkward conversation moment, when you know you should be talking but seem frozen without an idea of how to begin, try to start by thinking about your friends. Remember that every single person who you now call friend was someone who at one time you called stranger. At some point in time the first words passed between you and your friends, barriers were broken and in time friendship was kindled.
If you are looking for a tip for making conversation with strangers just bring a picture of one of your friends to mind. Think quickly about how much you enjoy that friend’s companionship and good humor. Then look again at the stranger near you and see his presence as a clear cut opportunity to make a new friend or at least a friendly acquaintance out of which a friendship may one day form. You did it before, you can do it again. Providing yourself with a little well documented congratulations can be the confidence builder you need to send you into the conversation you have been avoiding.
2. Look for Common Ground. It’s important to summon up the confidence to begin a chat with a stranger but you also need some chat material. What to talk about? What to talk about and not sound lame, pushy, obnoxious, nosy? Topic matter can be a problem.. To find topics that are likely to float, you may need to be a bit of a detective. What you are looking for is common ground. You need to use all your senses including your common sense to discover what the two of you have in common that can be offered as a topic of conversation. The better detective you are the more topics you will flush out.
Keys to open conversations can be found by quickly surveying the stranger. What do his clothes, his age, his build, his speech pattern, her jewelry, her hairdo, her reading material tell you about the stranger you are seated next to? Use any one of these clues to start your conversation. For example ” Should I guess from that sweatshirt that you are a Georgetown Basketball fan?”. Or ” You look young enough to be traveling for the first time.” or ” Man, I saw your brief case when you got on, you must have a some heavy work ahead of you.” These remarks can easily open a conversation without being too invasive but at the same time saying to the stranger, “hey, I noticed you and I’m open to a conversation, if you are, here’s a place to begin.
3. Using questions in conversation A good tip for making conversation with strangers is to remember to use the interrogative. People who never ask a question for the most part are people whose conversation is really all about them. Don’t let your anxiety about keeping the conversation going allow you to turn into someone providing an unsolicited monologue.
Using questions in conversation actually works to your advantage. It puts the onus for continued conversation on the stranger. But what to ask? Really almost any question that is courteously put is acceptable. What is more important is what not to ask. A good tip for making conversation with strangers is to ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Those one word responses can quickly kill any attempt you might be making to spark a verbal exchange. Secondly try to avoid asking any question for which you really have no interest in hearing the answer. The stranger will assume you are just being condescending and that may ring down the curtain on your efforts in short order.
Asking intelligent questions aimed at learning more about the person next to you can keep the conversation rolling and is a good tip for making conversation with strangers .
4. There are two people in the conversation. Often times when caught in a conversational situation with someone who is a stranger we can become so distraught that once we start talking we can’t seem to stop. We may be so terrified of the prolonged silence that endless jabber about nothing seems preferable. That’s exactly when it may be time to take a good look at the stranger and remember that in fact there are two people in this conversation.
All the responsibility for a two person conversation does not fall on you. As much as you may be feeling the pressure of keeping words in the air , don’t under estimate the ability of the stranger to add something to the discussion. Perhaps he or she is just waiting for you to slow down or draw a breath so that he or she too can have the chance to share a thought or two. A great tip for making conversation with strangers is to remember that by definition a conversation is words passing between two people. So take a chance that the other person is willing to do his share of the work, let there be a little silence and you may be delighted to find that he or she is ready to do their part too.
5. Alphabet assist. It can happen that you begin a conversation with a stranger simply enough and then somehow things get off track and that horrible dead air seems to be hanging between you. A good tip for making and continuing conversation with a stranger is to use what can be called the alphabet assist. Start mentally clicking through the alphabet looking for key words to get you back on track.
For example “A” might stand for something like “altitude” which could take you to ” Does the altitude of the plane bother you?”. “B” could remind you of “brother” which could lead you to a story about your brother or why you are glad you don’t have a brother or to ask “do you have brothers?” Using the alphabet as a tool allows you to calm yourself down and assures you that in just a few seconds now you will have a solution to the dead air phenomenon. In the meantime of course the stranger may have already come up with his or her own topic.
6.Open the door to others. One sound tip for making conversation with a stranger is to recognize that usually you are not the only people in the room. You can lessen the pressure of conversation with a stranger by adroitly steering the conversation in such a way as to include other people who might be nearby, especially if they are acquaintances of yours.
For example you can interrupt yourself by saying ” Perhaps you know John”. Depending on the stranger’s reaction you can decide what to do next. If nothing else, by introducing another name into the mix you have a new topic. You can spin a discussion about John until it takes you to a more general topic or to a consideration of other people who may be in the vicinity of your conversation. Having another person in the conversation, even if only indirectly, can help to move the conversation along.
Not all conversations with strangers will be memorable or even fun. There will be some that are dull, boring or like pulling teeth. But for the most part people who find themselves stuck with you in a one on one conversation situation will be as anxious as you are to make it work. So consider these few tips for making conversation with strangers – and then hope that the stranger has collected a few conversation tips along the way too. Perhaps that’s something you two could talk about!
