Romantic relationships burn white hot when they first spark but it is not uncommon for those feelings to cool down. Predictable “date” nights, empty nest syndrome and evolving needs all contribute to a condition called “relationship rut.” Psychology Today says, “The initial basis for the psychological contract between them – what they needed from each other when they first got married – is no longer there because they have grown and changed thanks to the support of each other.” A boring, dull romance doesn’t have to mean a break up is imminent. Shake up a stale relationship and get back into a loving groove.
Renew verbal intimacy. Here’s what it all starts–renewed verbal intimacy. Couples must first admit, to one another, (not friends and family) that things have gotten stale. In some cases, it might take a few conversations to get couples on the same page. Denying there is a problem is not going to work. The very act of confessing your unhappiness with the status quo could provide the fuel for a rekindling of romance. Begin the conversation and talk openly about your journey together; both the past and the future.
Try something new–together. Get back on the playground, with your playmate of course, and try something new. Take a dance class, try a new sport, or get a new hobby. New activities provide many opportunities to have fresh conversation and a different perspective.
Bury the past. A stale relationship didn’t start that way; however, hurts from the past can impede on the present. It’s time to let those old hurts go. Say “I’m sorry” if you know you’ve been wrong. Forgive him for his mistakes and start fresh.
Make new friends. Hanging out with old friends is comfortable but new friends allow you to redefine your identity. Old friends know that you don’t like avocados and that you used to be a race car driver. Getting to know new friends allows couples to revisit what makes them so wonderful. Keep your old friends but add some new ones to the roster. Shake up a stale relationship by getting to know a wider circle of friends.
Talk to someone. Once you delve into some of these stale areas, you might discover deep emotional wounds. If talking it out leads to arguing go talk to someone. A marriage counselor or minister can offer you advice on how to rebuild your relationship.
Repeat the steps as needed. It takes time and patience to freshen up a waning relationship. Be patient and willing to repeat the steps frequently. Getting into the practice of verbal intimacy will take you a long way to falling in love again.
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