It’s a mixture of prom and a wedding. Young girls get dressed up for a lovely dance. Once there, rings are presented, vows are spoken, and the atmosphere is one of closeness and family. This is neither a prom nor a wedding. It’s a Purity Ball, the new trend in the Christian evangelical movement to keep young women chaste until they are married by making a vow to their fathers to remain so.
Freudian? Perhaps. An ambitious idea? Very. A good plan? Depends.
The Purity Ball trend began in 1998 when Pastor Randy Wilson and his wife threw one as part of their Christian ministry in Colorado, Generations of Light (Baumgardner, Jennifer. “Would you pledge your virginity to your father?.” Glamour . Feb 2007). The idea came from the desire to allow women to feel good about themselves without needing inappropriate male attention. Lisa Wilson says “I believe if girls feel beautiful and cherished by their fathers, they don’t go looking for love from random guys” (Baumgardner, 2007). The movement has become huge, with the Wilsons sending out 700 planning brochures a year.
The abstinence movement embraces these balls. For one, it makes vowing to remain a virgin “cool,” a must-have characteristic when trying to appeal to young men and women in the hormonal stage of their development. The government has even gotten in on the trend, pushing for sexual education that emphasizes abstinence as the only form of birth control. Proponents of the abstinence movement feel that teaching adolescents about birth control and safe sex method only sparks their desire to want to have sex.
Statistics show however that 88% of those vowing to remain virgins until marriage break that vow, and that the percentage of those who promise abstinence that have STDs is about the same as those who don’t (ABC News. March, 2007. See url). One reason for this is the lack of training on birth control and safe sex methods. Once a young woman takes a vow of chastity, all involved naively believe that they need learn no more. After all, a vow is a vow and there’s nothing to worry about until marriage.
The theory behind Purity Balls and the Abstinence movement is great if we’re willing to time machine back to the Puritan days. It’s great that fathers want to take interest in their daughters’ lives and encourage them to respect themselves enough not to sleep with the first guy that comes along. It’s also great when a girl can respect herself and her body enough that she doesn’t need to sleep around for any sort of validation or self-esteem boost. I am in total agreement that those things needs to be encouraged, not just when it comes to sex, but when it comes to life in general.
Unfortunately, taking the “vow to be celibate” route is doing more harm than good, especially when statistics show how many fail to follow through with their promise. By putting sexual education to the wayside for vows of abstinence, society is putting its youth in danger both physically and emotionally. It’s important that adolescents know how to use a condom and other forms of protection. It’s important that they understand the risks involved with sleeping around with multiple partners. It’s also important that they be given control of their bodies without the guilt that a vow of abstinence is likely to bring in the future.
Though I don’t advocate promiscuity, I can’t discount the strong impact that hormones and natural instincts play for those in the pubescent stages of their life, and it amazes me that anyone else can as well. Not only are we telling them to resist those instincts, but we’re not giving them the tools they need to be safe when they give into them.
A Purity Ball is a one night event, a reason for young girls to get dressed up, and a reason for father’s to spend some time with their daughters. The vows that are taken are probably very sincere on that night, just as so many marriage vows are sincere when they’re taken. That doesn’t seem to keep the divorce rate any lower. Do fathers need a special event to be part of their daughter’s lives in the first place?
Continue the movement, by all means. Encourage young men and women to think about remaning virgins until marriage and to take care of their bodies as the temples they are. Show them you love and encourage them by being part of their life. But don’t ignore human instinct and the fact that vows against sexuality are some of the hardest to keep. Arm them not only with your unconditional acceptance no matter which route they go, but also with thorough sex education programs to show them how to stay safe if they, as the independent thinkers they are, decide not to wait until marriage.
The rings given at the Purity Balls are nice and pretty, but a pack of condoms and a brochure about birth control is probably much more practical.
