Funerals are a time of high emotion and it isn’t unusual for guests to feel a little overwhelmed by the customs and expectations. Sending funeral, or sympathy, flowers is a common tradition in the United States. Although there are no hard and fast rules for sending a gift of flowers, many people are concerned about doing the right thing and call my floral shop for answers. Let’s explore some of those questions.
Q: What is the difference between a viewing (or visitation) and a funeral?
A: A viewing is a time before the funeral when family and friends gather to “view” the body (or photographs) of the deceased, express condolences and share emotional support. It is frequently held at the funeral home, at a church, or even in a family home. Typical dress is somber and guests may come and go during the scheduled hours.
A funeral is a service or ceremony to celebrate, honor or remember the life of the deceased. The service is typically held at the funeral home, at a church, or in a family home and customs vary greatly, depending on the culture and religion of the deceased. Dress is professional and guests are expected to arrive on time and remain until the end of the ceremony. A burial service frequently follows, which normally includes only family and close friends.
Q: Do I take flowers to the viewing or to the funeral?
A: Generally, people in the U.S. do not “take” flowers to the funeral home. Americans “send” flowers through a floral shop so the arrangement arrives before the start of the viewing. The funeral director accepts all gifts and arranges them in an attractive manner throughout the room so everything is in place for the family’s private, early viewing. But rest assured that if you hand-deliver flowers, no one will be offended.
Q: Do I have to send flowers to every funeral I attend?
A: No, of course not. Attending a viewing or a funeral is a sign of your respect for the deceased and a time to express sympathy to the family. A gift that is required is not truly a gift.
Q: Are there times when I should not send funeral flowers?
A: Yes. Sometimes the family asks guests to make a donation to a specific charity or organization in lieu of spending money on flowers. Those requests should be honored. There are also some cultures and religions that do not welcome flowers at the funeral. If in doubt, call the funeral home.
Q: How do I send the flowers?
A: You have several choices. If the funeral is in your community, place the order through your favorite florist. If the funeral is out of town, check online or in the phone book for a florist in that city. If you have trouble finding a florist, the funeral home can make suggestions. National floral services are also a reliable option, but transfer charges and hidden costs mean that a significant amount of the cost will go to fees instead of flowers.
Q: What kind of flowers should I choose?
A: The immediate family is responsible for the casket spray and matching floral arrangements that are placed on, inside and around the casket. Other family members and friends have several options.
- Fresh flowers are a traditional choice. Flowers arranged in a beautiful vase or basket can be taken home by a family member as a keepsake. Arrangements placed in urns or shaped on a floral form (a wreath, cross, etc) that hangs on an easel are usually taken to the burial service and left graveside.
- Plants are such a popular choice that floral shops carry a wide variety for funerals, including dish gardens, floor plants, cactus, terrariums and blooming seasonal plants.
- You can also mix flowers or plants with other gift items. One beautiful gift at my own shop is a brass bird bath that I fill with fresh flowers or trailing ivy. Most shops also carry statues, garden stepping stones, etc. that can be nestled into a floral arrangement.
Q: How can I make my flowers look special?
A: Work one-on-one with a florist to personalizing your gift. Do you know the deceased favorite color or flower? Was their style folksy and country or elegant and urban?
You can also make a unique gift of flowers by incorporating the deceased’s hobby or interest. For instance, one family wanted to honor their loved one’s joy of painting. They brought in the deceased’s brushes, pallet and other paint-splattered items that I mingled with brilliantly-colored flowers to create a floral celebration of art. Another memorable floral gift was made for an avid fisherman, which included his fishing pole and gear worked into an arrangement of driftwood and wildflowers.
Q: How much will the flowers cost?
A: That depends on what you order. A tiny budvase might cost under $20. A large, personalized arrangement, such as described above, can easily reach a couple hundred dollars. A classic arrangement ranges from $35 to $75. Plants cost $35 and up. Prices also vary drastically from small towns to big cities. Many florists deliver to funeral homes free of charge, but confirm before ordering.
Q: What happens to the flowers after the funeral?
A: That is the family’s decision. Urn and easel arrangements are normally left at the gravesite and disposed of when the flowers die. Flowers in special containers, plants and keepsake items are usually divided among the immediate family. If there is a particular family member you want to get your gift, it is perfectly acceptable to write your request on the back of the floral card. Flowers in generic containers are often given to other family members or donated to brighten up a nearby hospital, church, library, etc.
Q: I didn’t hear of a death until after the funeral. Can I still send flowers?
A: That would be a wonderful gesture. People grieve for a long time after the death of a loved one. They will appreciate your thoughtfulness. Obviously, a traditional funeral urn or easel arrangement would not be appropriate to send to someone’s home. So consider a tasteful floral arrangement in a beautiful vase to match their décor, a plant or even a garden statue to express your sympathy.
