Online Dating for Guys: 6 Reasons You’re Not Getting Responses to Your Messages
I’ve heard many guys complain how they’re fed up with messaging women on dating sites because they don’t get responses back. When I ask what they think they’re doing wrong, they tell me they have no idea. Rather than think they might have something to do with it, quite a few are quick to blame to the women. The best way to start getting more responses is by figuring out what you’re doing wrong in the first place. There are several possible reasons (many of which you can change) why a woman won’t message you back.
Your pictures aren’t appealing
It doesn’t mean you’re ugly if a woman doesn’t find your pictures appealing. It simply means the woman just isn’t attracted to what she sees. Not every woman is going to be into you just like you’re not going to be into every woman. For example, I’m not typically into blonde guys; I usually go for the guys with dark hair and dark eyes. Another problem might be that you have the wrong pictures up. A lot of women say that if a guy has only one picture up, she’ll move on along. Always have a few pictures posted (at least one full body photo) and choose carefully considering they’re the first thing a woman sees.
You didn’t say anything worthwhile
Of course you should say hi in the message and ask the woman how she is, but that shouldn’t be the only thing you say. A lot of men just send a message saying “Hi” – what exactly do you think is going to come of that? Is that really going to get a woman’s attention? A woman wants to know you made the effort to read her profile and you didn’t just look at the pictures. Mention something the two of you have in common and you’ll increase the chances of getting a response.
If you send me a message with a ton of abbreviations, you spell a lot of words wrong or your grammar is horrible, I won’t respond regardless of how good looking you are. Many other women have also stated this is a huge reason they won’t reply back. If you send “Hey, hru?” and can’t even take the the time to type it all out, you’re going in the delete pile. Also, learn the difference between there, their and they’re along with your and you’re. You’d be surprised how many woman instantly click delete if it’s obvious you don’t know the difference and you’re already in your 20s or older.
You’re off-putting
Do not – and I repeat do not – ever send a woman a message that comes off as desperate, sexual, insecure or clingy. Some of the most ridiculous messages include “Hey I’m sending you another message because you didn’t respond to my first one,” “You’re probably not going to be interested in me but…,” “Hey sexy you want to get together tonight at my place?” or “I really want to be married within the next year…or six months.” Before you send a message, think about how it comes across. If it can fit into one of the aforementioned areas, quickly hit the backspace bar and start all over.
The two of you have nothing in common
You might be okay with living in the city and listening to rock music while dating a girl who lives on a farm and listens to country music. However, she might not be. When you send a message, the woman is likely going to go to your page to check out your pictures and read through your profile before she decides if she’s going to respond to you. She might respond even if the two of you have very little in common, but more than likely she’ll pass up on messaging you back if she feels the two of you don’t have common interests. Want to increase the chances she’ll respond? Even if it seems like the two of you have zero in common but you’d like to get to know her, mention in your message about a similar interest or something that caught your eye.
Many women have an idea of the max distance they want their guy to live away from them – in town, a few minutes, an hour. If you live too far out of that area, she might not go for you. A woman might feel it’s a waste of time to converse with someone who lives too far away. If she seems a bit too far away, you can take the chance anyway but try to focus on ladies who live closer to you.
Don’t take it personally if a woman doesn’t write you back. Make some adjustments to your messages and tweak your profile a bit and before long you’ll be able to increase the amount of responses you get. If you want some input, don’t hesitate to ask a trusted friend or family member of the opposite sex for their take on your profile and your message, then adjust accordingly until you find what works for you.
More from Lauren R:
Photos Guys Should Never Use as a Dating Profile Picture
Dating While on a Break: Is it Cheating? Pros and Cons: Types of Sex In-Between Relationships
