They enter your house with the stealth of a ninja. They’re harder to get rid of than the millions of dust mites defecating in your kid’s mattress. They only need 2 more sales to win that big company trip. Who are they? Just your friendly door to door Kirby sales team.
The sun is usually beginning to droop into the western skies when you’ll hear that innocent knock at your front door. You’re greeted by a young woman, offering free samples of this or that. Just a short demonstration. No sales pressure. This will only take 5 to 10 minutes. You’ll attempt to decline several times. You’re in the middle of dinner. The house is a wreck. You’re just not interested. She’s persistent though and before you know it 2 young men are entering your front door carrying boxes bearing the name “Kirby.” Whether or not you’re familiar with the name, a cold chill will run through your body. Something is just not right. You sit on your couch dumb-founded as they begin unpacking their wares. You begin chanting in your head “I am NOT going to buy this vacuum.” You may even mumble it out loud as they start with their friendly banter.
In the blink of an eye your two man show becomes one, as the Kirby-Van dashes down the street, leaving you and your remaining vendor stranded together. The Kirby-Van and Vendor.2 will remain long gone for the next 3 hours. Let the 5 minute demonstration begin. Two and a half hours later Vendor.1 has vacuumed your living room, discovered any personal details of your life you willingly give up, created a dirty filter mosaic throughout most any walkable area of your floor, vacuumed a bed, sang of the horror that is dust mite fecal matter, asked to use your home phone, covered the Kirby’s “ears” when you mistakenly called it “just a vacuum cleaner,” and requested any form of down payment possible. Hopefully these youthful salesmen are trained in CPR when your heart stops after asking for a price quote. They will give you a ridiculously high number that will make a combination of spit and laughter escape your mouth. This number is negotiable. The down payment is negotiable. Getting Vendor.1 to leave without his sale? Non-negotiable.
Three days ago I awoke, feeling slightly ill to my stomach. While trying to recall what I had eaten the night before I came to a horrible realization. I had actually FINANCED a vacuum cleaner the night before. After washing the vomit off my face I went to take a look at my new investment and cry a little. I will admit, I love my Kirby Sentria. I feel slightly addicted to it and sometimes wonder what kind of power it’s holding over me. I’ve been vacuuming compulsively since I first remembered to tap the “drive” switch. Do I think a Kirby vacuum is worth the 2000 dollars we just financed it for at a 21 percent interest rate? Heck no!
I had heard the Kirby name before. I was somewhat familiar with the quality of their product. I had always secretly wanted one. However, if I had done my research online before that knock on the door, I would have NEVER let them enter my home.
