I don’t need to share musing with any other parent about what serious business rearing children is. We are ever fretting, overwhelmed and overcome with all that it is – and sometimes we forget to have a sense of humor about it all.
Here are some of my favorite humorous quotes about parents and parenting, and some from some unexpected sources:
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
Dave Barry
I am not allowed to sing, dance, laugh or wear short skirts. Having a teenage daughter is like living with the Taliban.
Author Kathy Lette
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O’Rourke
To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
Oscar Wilde
The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.
Bill Cosby
The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.
Paul Reiser
Many parents are finding out that a pat on the back helps develop character – if given often enough, early enough, and low enough.
Author Unknown
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
P. J. O’Rourke
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
David Frost
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation’s highways.
Dennis Miller
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
Dave Barry
A father’s words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house.
Paul Lewis
The parent who could see his boy as he really is, would shake his head and say: ‘Willie is no good; I’ll sell him.
Stephen B. Leacock
Listening to parents’ advice is sort of like watching commercials. You know what’s coming, you’ve heard it all before, it’s a big bore, but you listen anyway.
Author Unknown
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Red Buttons
Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.
Ed Asner
It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.
Barbara Kingsolver
Children are a great comfort in your old age – and they help you reach it faster, too.
Lionel Kauffman
Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.
Mike Harding
The Armchair Anarchist’s Almanac.
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
Charles Wadsworth
Insanity is hereditary – you get it from your kids.
Sam Levenson
Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, And that’s what parents were created for.
Ogden Nash
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job.
Roseanne Barr
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
P. J. O’Rourke
Ah, there’s truth in jest, is there not? Here’s hoping this lightened your mood and set you forth in a manner more fitting to handle the big stuff.
Sources:
Allgreatquotes.com
http://www.allgreatquotes.com/parents_quotes.shtml
Brainyquotes.com
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/parenting.html
