Anorexia Nervosa is a debilitating and frightening illness where a person may starve to death, desperate to lose weight to the point that some people have cut their own tongues. Others will commit suicide as a result of their plummeting self-esteem and body image. Some will starve to death, if not treated. If their starvation does not end in death, most end up chronically ill for the rest of their lives with poor health, and subsequently have additional mental conditions, such as depression. Anorexia Nervosa is not without hope, however – many anorexics do recover and maintain a normal, healthy life. If you are a family member or friend of a recovering anorexic, you may not know how to act around him or her, or don’t know how to maintain a close relationship without being too “triggering. So how do you maintain a normal relationship and support them in their journey to recovery? Here are some guidelines to follow if you’re not sure how to deal with this situation:
– Educate yourself. This the first and most crucial step. Research it on the web – good websites are Something-Fishy.org and ANRED. These sites cover all aspects of all eating disorders, including Binge Eating Disorder, a common but less known disorder. It discusses symptoms, medical consequences, and detailed information about dealing with recovery and recovering individuals. Make sure to fully read each section so that you understand why Anorexia Nervosa happens in the first place, the medical consequences, and advice for recovery. This will help relate and understand where they’re coming from – and will keep you on your toes in case a nasty relapse occurs.
– Be emotionally available. Anorexics will need the extra support in their decision to recover. They will also need someone to talk to, as most anorexics keep their feelings to themselves (for various reasons, common ones are fear and rejection). Encourage them to be more open with their feelings and don’t judge. Recognize their efforts to recover and they will appreciate it.
– Don’t focus on their illness. Talking too much about their illness may reinforce unhealthy thoughts and behaviors. It’s important to focus on the person instead of their diagnosis, because seeing themselves as a person instead of a disorder is a key part in recovering. Talking too much about it will also put pressure on them because it is constantly focused on.
– Know their triggers. It’s important to know their triggers. If you can, ask them about it. If they don’t want to discuss it, ask their therapist. Triggers vary greatly so you can’t be sure what triggers them – it could be magazines, a certain type of food, a person, or a certain thought. Avoid their triggers to avoid any difficulties with their recovery.
– Be careful what you say. Be mindful of what you talk about around the recovering individual – eliminate all “diet” talk. Talking about losing weight, diets, and thinness is an absolute no no. If you are dieting, avoid discussing it with them.
– Don’t judge. Your recovering anorexic will likely relapse or mess up on their way to recovery, but don’t judge them when they do. Reinforce positive attitudes by not focusing on it and focusing on their successes. For example, if they don’t eat one day and feel terrible about it, tell them you’re proud that they ate healthfully for two months. It’s important to focus on their successes instead of their mistakes, because that will reinforce negative behaviors.
– Know their boundaries. If you can speak with a therapist, do so. They can tell you what to avoid and what is off limits with them. They can also give you a guideline of how to act around them to ensure their success. Otherwise, sit down with your loved one and discuss their boundaries and what is acceptable. It’s important you know this in order to ensure a healthy relationship.
Still need more advice? Visit Something-Fishy.org or ANRED for more tips and advice, or join a eating disorder message board to hear personal accounts. You may also join a local eating disorder group or speak to a therapist in a eating disorder clinic for more advice.
