As a white American marrying into a Korean family, it was my duty and privilege to learn about and participate in several Korean wedding traditions. Unfortunately for me, there were so few online resources available in English. I thus became a veritable marionette in the process, not quite knowing what to do or how to do it, only to follow the directions given me in a mix of Korean-English or “Konglish” and to do so as gracefully as possible.
Based on the Korean-American weddings I have attended, the aspect of the traditional Korean wedding which seems to be observed most frequently is the Pyebaek, pronounced “Peh-beck.” The Pyebaek is considered more of a private affair in which the groom’s family officially welcomes the bride into their family. It would take place after the public wedding ceremony, in the home of the groom’s parents, with whom the newly wedded couple would be spending their first night as a married couple. Although the bride’s family may not be formally invited to this ceremony in Korea, typically in America, the bride’s family will be present. (Sorry to my family whom I confused and told you that you didn’t need to be there….).
The bride and groom are vested in many-layered silken Hanboks, with elaborate crowns atop their heads. The rich layers of fabric are a nod to history, when Korean common people would typically wear all white, except for their wedding day when they would wear the lush colors of royalty. In order to attach the headpieces, several hands are usually necessary, especially for the bride. Be sure to equip yourself with lots of bobbie pins or the crown will surely fall off your head!
The setting for the Peh-beck may be a living room area, preferably with some nice soft carpet (you’ll see why :). The bride and groom sit together in front of a table of many Korean delicacies stacked in beautiful arrangements, including figs and chestnuts. Also present on the table will be a pair of wooden geese or ducks, symbols of fidelity since these birds are known to mate for ilfe.
Family members will take turns sitting opposite the bride and groom, typically in front of a traditional printed screen. The bride and groom pay their respects to the groom’s family, performing a bow in which the legs become crossed as the bride and groom lower themselves to be seated on the floor (well, typically the bride has two helpers on each side of her so as not to perform a crashland bow), and then touch their head to the ground to signify their great honor in being in the presence of great wisdom. The bride and groom will offer the family members some tea or grape juice, or in some cases, sips of wine.
In exchange, the family members doll out their wisdom, cash gifts (sometimes blessings are written on the outside of an envelope with money tucked within), and tossing the figs – which represent girls – and chestnuts – which represent boys – into the open laps of the bride and groom. The number of figs and chestnuts represent the number of boys and girls the family members wish for the bride and groom to bear. This practice does vary from family to family. Some only toss the figs, chestnuts into the bride’s skirt. Some brides and grooms give the cash gifts to their parents, and some will take the money to finance their honeymoon.
A series of piggyback rides may take place, so the longsuffering groom should be prepared. He will often peel away several layers from his bride’s heavy hanbok and give her a piggyback ride around the ceremonial table to symbolize their intimate journey in this new life. He may also offer rides to his mother and grandmother any other women present, I assume to show chivalry toward his female elders, but there are mixed opinions about this symbol.
The Peh-beck is a beautiful ceremony to experience both as a participant and as a witness and I hope that its traditions may be preserved for many generations to come. Except, perhaps, for the whole fig and chestnut business. Having fruits and legumes tossed at you with implicit wishes for six and seven children can be a bit daunting.
