Over the last few years, Internet addiction has become a far more frequent problem. While the health risks might not be as severe as with a substance addiction, Internet addiction can be detrimental to your marriage. If you feel that your spouse might be suffering from an Internet addiction, you’re better off addressing the problem immediately than allowing it to continue. The process for overcoming any addiction begins with acknowledging its hold over you, so you might have to help your spouse realize that he or she has a problem.
Internet addiction is characterized by the need to be on the Internet for several hours each day. Sufferers may even have anxiety attacks if they aren’t able to log on at a set time each day. Your spouse might miss family functions in order to stay on the computer and might call in sick to work when they are playing a game or browsing the web. Internet addiction takes many forms, and can be linked to a host of secondary problems. For example, it’s possible for an individual to become addicted to both porn and the Internet, satisfying both addictions at the same time.
When you first realize that your spouse is addicted to the Internet, you should take him or her aside to have a conversation. Let him or her know that you’ve been noticing a frightening amount of computer time and that you’re concerned. If you think you might be met with resistance, calculate the number of hours spent on the Internet in a week. Present that figure to your spouse as proof that something is wrong. You should also be honest with your spouse if you’ve been feeling neglected because of the Internet addiction.
Once you’ve laid it all out on the table, it will be up to your spouse to respond. Some people might admit right away that they have a problem and express a desire to fix it while others will deny it until they’re blue in the face. You will probably be able to anticipate your spouse’s response before it is even given, so prepare for whatever eventuality you expect.
If your spouse admits that he or she has an Internet addiction, you can begin the recovery process immediately. The key — as with any addiction — is to start slow. Purchase a kitchen timer for the study or wherever you computer is located and set it for an hour each time your spouse logs on. When the timer goes off, he or she has to do something else — preferably with the family. Go for a walk, watch some television together, cook dinner or play a board game. The goal here is to replace Internet time with something positive so that your spouse can look forward to it.
As time wears on, start decreasing the amount of time your spouse can spend on the Internet in one session. Give enough time to check e-mail and favorite websites before doing something else. If your spouse slips and stays on for longer than allowed, don’t get instantly angry and defensive. Instead, thank your spouse for trying so hard and encourage him or her to do better next time.
If your spouse can’t (or won’t) admit that he or she has an Internet addiction, your job may be a little more difficult. You’re going to have to go into detail about your observations as well as your feelings. Explain that you never spend any time together because every spare minute is spent on the computer. Request that your spouse cut back — not necessarily because he or she has a problem, but because you would appreciate it. In extreme cases, you might have to seek counseling to resolve the issue.
The most important thing is that you don’t make your spouse feel bad about his or her Internet addiction. Stress the fact that everyone deals with something like this at one point or another, and that you’ll always be there to help him or her through it.
