Puberty can be a very trying time both for kids and their parents. This is the time when your child goes through emotional ups and downs, which make for some really trying times. Parents who are well prepared to handle the trials and tribulations of their children going through puberty come out of the experience unscathed. Parents who are not prepared are taken by surprise by the sudden change in behavior of their child. They are prone to act reactively and this puts a lot of strain on the parent child relationship. Here we will discuss about the emotional problems a child experiences during puberty and how parents can help the child during this period.
During puberty both boys and girls go through similar emotional changes. Their feelings about themselves and the people with whom they interact regularly might change. In most cases they become more temperamental and sensitive. Both boys and girls experience mood swings that they are unable to control. They become more conscious of the changes taking place in their bodies. Changing estrogen levels cause the mood swings in girls, whereas the change in testosterone levels in boys cause the mood swings. During this time of physical change children feel awkward and embarrassed, they experience sexual attraction towards others. They become conscious about how they look and what others think of them.
Although it is difficult for parents to understand exactly what the child going through puberty is actually feeling, they know what it is like as they have already gone through this period themselves. During this period children become very sensitive and don’t need your pity, rather they need your understanding and empathy. These children will at times feel totally out of control and have mood swings and emotional outbursts but will not be able to explain the reason for such behavior. They are even more clueless than their parents about what is happening to them. The many chemical and physical changes taking place in their bodies cause the mood swings, which include a variety of emotions such as depression, excitability, sadness and increased interest in their own sexuality.
With so much happening simultaneously your child may feel totally out of control and it can be really frightening for the child. An empathetic parent can effectively deal with the situation by letting the child know that such feelings are normal during this period. Assure children that they are not acting crazy and that you too have been through it. A loving hug and true empathy will reassure the child help in dealing with the feelings. Whatever you do don’t show pity, it will prove counterproductive. Children need your empathy and not pity during puberty.
During puberty children feel the need for more personal space and privacy. Allow the children going through puberty more space and privacy but make sure that they do not distance themselves from the family. Communication is very important during this period. Try to talk to the children about what they are feeling and going through. Let them know that you are always available when they need you. That, even if it is 3 AM in the morning you are ready to listen to them. At times these children may not be prepared to talk to you. Encourage them to talk to their elder brother or sister who has already gone through such an experience or to an adult with whom they feel close. If necessary they can even be encouraged to talk to a counselor.
Whatever children feel or think are real for them. You will help them by validating their feelings. There may be times when you don’t agree but you can assure them that there is nothing wrong with feeling differently and without showing any anger, patiently explain the reasons or your disagreement. Don’t ever be condescending towards them. Assure them that feelings are feelings and there is nothing right or wrong about them. Feelings are seldom logical. Let them know that even you are not always right. Try to understand their feelings and the reason for them, if there are any doubts, ask for clarification. It is important to avoid misunderstandings during this period.
Children can become really obnoxious during puberty. They might behave selfishly, arrogantly, rudely or moodily during this period. Remember that they are trying to appear strong and capable, trying to be the adult they are not yet, while internally they may be experiencing self doubt, insecurity and helplessness. Even if your child withdraws hug him or her and let them know that they are loved, that you are with them no matter what. Although it will need some extra effort on your part both of you will come out of this trying period even closer to each other. Your children will later realize that you were there for them when they needed you most, even if they didn’t realize it at that time. By being understanding and empathetic during their puberty, you will have truly earned their love and respect.
