Drug addiction is one of the worst things that a person can go through, and watching a loved one do it can be just as bad. Addicts can destroy lives and ruin families; they are like a poison, destroying everything that they come into contact with.
When it first becomes clear that someone we love is an addict, our first impulse is to save that person, but the truth is that no one can save the addict except for the addict. It’s a difficult concept to accept, but one that everyone has to realize eventually. Nothing we say or do is going to change their behavior, and all we can do is watch as their destructive behavior threatens to destroy them.
When an addict admits their behavior, it may be a shock or it could explain a lot of their behavior. We suddenly know why they needed money unexpectedly, why they couldn’t pay their bills, or why they have problems being around other people; it explains the aversion to light, and the inability to pay attention to anyone other than their selves.
The first thing we do is make excuses for the addict; we find reasons why they became an addict and in many cases, we blame ourselves; if only we were more attentive, they never would have turned to drugs. Even if the addict has stolen from us, we still justify their behavior. This is the wrong way of thinking.
What are we supposed to do when someone we love admits their addiction? Some experts claim that we should keep the problem as quiet as possible as to avoid the stigma attached with drug addiction, but I believe that is wrong. Dealing with an addict is a difficult thing to handle, and you absolutely cannot do it alone. Much like an addict needs a support system to recover, you need a support system to get through it. Try to handle it alone, and prepare yourself for losing the friends you have now, because they will walk away from your suspicious behavior. If you really feel you can’t tell the people in your life the truth, find a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon group that meets in your area.
The next thing you should focus on is learning that the question, “what can I do to help?” is nothing. There is not a single thing you can do to help an addict until the addict is ready and willing to get help. Don’t settle for lines like, “I want to get help” or “I’ll get help soon”, unless the addict is actively seeking professional help. The simple truth of the matter is that addicts are the best liars and con-men in the world, and they know exactly what to say to you, to keep you from walking away. As long as you continue to hand over money and offer them shelter, the addict has no reason to leave or find help.
The best thing to do, as hard as it might be, is to walk away, and yes that does sound easier than it actually is. That means instituting a “no contact’ policy; no phone calls, no letters, no visits, and no more money. Do not offer to help the addict in anyway except a ride to the nearest drug rehab center. Some experts argue that addicts can benefit from help in the form of handling the basic necessities of life; food, shelter, and clothing. Don’t believe them. An addict will trade their car, the shirt off their back, or even YOU for one more hit of the drug. As for paying an addict’s rent, in some cases an addict will exchange the use of their apartment/house for more drugs from their dealer.
A no contact policy is hard, but it’s the only way to ensure your safety and sanity. If the addict knows they can count on you for support, they will take advantage of it. And if you believe that your addict would never bring a dealer to your house, you are overestimating them. When the addict owes the dealer enough money, he/she will be knocking at your door for help, with the dealer in tow. Some addicts will willingly hand over their wallet, to prove they are making an effort. Don’t take that money unless you are prepared to fight to keep it, because the addict will do anything to get it back.
There are also some people who claim that you can help a person do a quick detox at home, but I’ve never heard of a successful case. In the majority of times, the addict decides to stop and walks out to get more drugs, leaving you feeling even more helpless.
Medical experts can help the drug addict, but not the family and friends of the addict. Some continue to tout the miracles of “helping” the addict, but anyone who has actually lived through the addiction of someone else will tell you something else entirely. Get out. No contact. Walk away. No matter how you put it, there’s only two words that matter, and those two words are Just Leave.
