If you have had a traumatic event in the part – you are lovesick most people will tell you that only time can heal it. Unhappily for the unhappy people, the pain is deep stuck in their childhood and it is more than evident that after 20 or more years it is still there. That simply means that time will not heal everything.
Explosive temper, diminished self-esteem, fear, smothering love, dependence of mean people – they all leave a scare in our emotional well-being. Being influenced by a negative role model lives a mark for the rest of our lives. Some people accept these negative role models as “how things are” and some are even attracted towards destructive people – even reaching the point that they marry them.
Familiar things attract us. Being raised by a person who had bouts of explosive anger predispose us to accept and recognize as familiar other people that burst at the slightest provocation.
Some people handle more positively the whole situation. They re-invent their life, make different choices and create a milieu around them where they can breathe.
That is perhaps the most important point I see in healing emotional wounds – to create a safe trauma environment. The best thing I can think for dealing with the pain of an abusive relationship is to include a non-abusive person into your life. With that I mean a mirror of the abusive person, a contrarian of the abusive relationship.
Breaking negative relationships is for me an equally important point to deal with emotional wounds. Wound only start to heal when you stop picking into them. They need time, but not only time but tranquility.
And since, as I have seen many times, prevention is the more important way of protection, just keep an eye on new people entering your life. You can spot an abusive person right away. Negative people show a negative pattern in everything they do: analyze things, talk about people, expectations.
And believe me, there is no excuse for being destructive. Having problems is no excuse for other people to explode in anger and shouting. Destructive behavior cannot, per definition, be the solution of any problem. The most important point here is not to fall into the martyr or victim role. People who need help or want help perhaps also deserve it, but no at a high cost and not at your cost. People who indeed deserve being helped, will also collaborate towards it. Unhappily, on the other hand destructive people will be destructive even in a situation where they are being helped.
Summary: remind that the past should not look like the present. You are doing your present right now, and your future is the based on it. Specially, the best tips I think I can give you is don’t hang on on things, situations or people that hurt. Just let these loads fall.
