Amblyopia (often referred to as “lazy eye”) is a condition where one eye has greatly reduced vision compared to the other eye. This can be caused by many things, but it can often be corrected in childhood. After that, it’s much more difficult to correct. If not treated, the lazy eye will in effect, become blind.
I was diagnosed with amblyopia at the age of 7. Sometime during the 1st grade, the school tested our vision. Before this, I had never had an eye exam. With one eye, I was able to read the chart down to the very last line. My vision was better than 20/20. But then it came time to test the other eye. I struggled to remember what letters I had just read earlier. I could not even see the famous big E. A short while later, the school sent my parents a note saying that I needed to see an eye doctor.
At the eye doctor, I was given a couple of different tests that I can’t really remember. The part I remember was that suddenly I had to wear glasses. But that wouldn’t have been so bad by itself. I not only had to wear glasses, I had to wear a patch over my good eye! I was already a skinny kid who got picked on for my hand-me-down clothes. I hated that patch. That patch did absolutely nothing for my social life. However, it did get me extra free cookies at the market from the nice bakery ladies.
Fast forward a few years later, and in the 3rd grade I was no longer wearing a patch. This treatment wasn’t working for me. Surgery wasn’t as common back then, and besides, my family had no health insurance anyway. The eye doctor continued to give me glasses. He often told me I would someday never have to wear glasses again, because the problem would be cured. Even as a kid I knew this was a lie (or at least, it would be a lie with this guy as my eye doctor). This was the only recommended eye doctor in our area for amblyopia. I never saw why he was so good. In any case, I kept getting new glasses all the time. But no matter how thick the plastic was over my bad eye, it simply did not turn on for me to use it.
When people ask me what it is like to have amblyopia, I often describe it to them like this: If I have both eyes open, my bad eye is shut off. If I close my good eye, everything shifts over, but I can’t make out anything other than colors and large objects. There was actually a time when objects just shifted over and I couldn’t read words, but the eye was not nearly as bad as it is now. It was just always off. And because it would not turn on at the same time as my good eye, I really couldn’t use it. And I guess it’s like they say, if you don’t use it, you lose it.
In high school I stopped wearing glasses. I gave up on my bad eye. Glasses weren’t really necessary for me anyway, because I still had 20/30 vision in my good eye by high school. I did have to wear reading glasses, but other than that, I was fine. The good thing about not wearing glasses, was that the frame didn’t block part of my vision. I could now see 135 degrees around me on the right. This was a huge improvement. But it never really did help me with sports. I had horrible depth perception, which had actually got me out of having to take physical education in my earlier years (that and because when you’re wearing a patch and using a bad eye, you run into everything).
By high school I had really learned to cope very well. Even now in college, I still run into things sometimes. But I never trip over stuff in my own house. I tend to remember exactly where things are so that I don’t have to look at my feet to see if I’m going to hit something. I didn’t realize I knew where everything was, until the rolling blackouts, when everyone else in my family was crawling around looking for a flashlight, as I calmly just walked around.
My biggest challenge was by far learning to drive. When I rode my bicycle everywhere, I could use a lot of my other senses as well. I could hear how close cars were getting to me. I could feel the road. But when I got into a car, all of that changed. Of course, part of the challenge was not just learning to drive, but convincing the Department of Motor Vehicles that I could infact drive. One of my friends actually lost an eye due to eye cancer. She can drive. If you have two eyes though (rather than one eye and one glass eye), the DMV expects good vision in both. I had to take the eye test numerous times, go to a few different doctors, and only then did I finally get a learner’s permit. After two behind the wheel tests, I passed. I am still an extremely cautious driver, especially when doing something that requires judging distances. I always leave myself much more room than I actually need.
Despite that I’d obviously love to have perfect eyes, I don’t view amblyopia as that big of a setback. For me, it’s just one small thing to deal with. I’ve gotten used to only having one functional eye. I’ve gotten used to not using my eye too long or suffering the consequences of an eye strain headache. My good eye gets worse as I have to rely on it only, but I don’t even mind wearing reading glasses anymore. I tend to find rather stylish reading glasses anyway. People without the condition might think all of this sounds really horrible, but for me, it is not. One of my friends asked me if I blame my parents for not getting me tested early enough to correct the problem. I really don’t. I’m just so used to living like this that truthfully, if a cure came out for adults that actually worked, I’m not sure I’d even try it. Perhaps I would be unable to cope with having binocular vision. Another friend who wears thick glasses and cannot see without them has also asked me before if I’d rather have eyes like hers, because at least she can see with glasses. And I think I honestly am quite happy I don’t need to worry that if I had smashed my glasses, I would be totally blind. At least as things are, I’m only half blind.
