Writers are some of the most humorous people on the planet and I find that their funniest quotes are often concerned with the shortcomings of other writers! Of course the majority are not averse to the odd quip about themselves either. Here are some of the quotes that highly amuse me:
“This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.” Dorothy Parker
“Andiatorocte is the title of a volume of poems by the Rev. Clarence Walworth, of Albany N.Y. It is a word borrowed from the Indians, and should, we think, be returned to them as soon as possible.” Oscar Wilde
“Every word that Lillian Hellman writes is a lie, including and and the.” Mary McCarthy
“I thought I’d begin reading a poem by Shakespeare but then I thought why should I?” He never reads any of mine. Spike Milligan
He never reads any of mine either!
“The censorious said that she slept in a hammock and understood Yeats’ poems but her family denied both stories.” H.H.Munro
“Waldo is one of those people who would be greatly improved by death.” H.H.Munro
He was an author whose works were so little known they were almost confidential.” Stanley Walker
“This book of Italian literature shows a want of knowledge that must be the result of years of study.” Oscar Wilde
An inherent trait in writers is the certain knowledge that they write better than anyone else:
“Your function as a critic is to show that it is really you yourself who should have written the book, if you had had the time, and since you hadn’t you are glad that someone else had, although obviously it might have been done better.” Stephen Potter
“You may certainly not kiss the hand that wrote Ulysses. It’s done lots of other things as well.” James Joyce
“Many thanks for your book. I shall lose not time in reading it.” Benjamin Disraeli
It seems that even the odd king might occasionally take pleasure in insulting a writer:
“Donne’s verses are like the peace and mercy of God. Like his peace they pass all understanding, and like his mercy they seem to endure forever.” King James 1
The most competent and prolific writers sometimes admit that writing can be an excruciatingly painful task at times:
“Writing is easy. All you have to do is stare at a blank piece of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.” Gene Fowler
I was working on the proofs of my poems all day. In the morning I put a comma in and in the evening I took it back out again.” Oscar Wilde
“I am not feeling very well. I can only write prose today.” W.B.Yeats
On the other hand sometimes it can be as easy as going to the toilet:
First coffee, then a bowel movement, then the muse joins me.” Gore Vidal
Finally I’ll leave you with an idea that could really catch on:
“My brother-in-law wrote an unusual murder story. The victim got killed by a man from another book.” Robert Sylvester
