Many moms will agree that we lead lives at warp speed. We quickly leave behind the early years where our children are small and can easily be put into a playpen. Suddenly we find ourselves immersed in pre-school activities with T-Ball, Soccer and PTA meetings. It is wonderful if you can manage your life and your child’s newfound freedom, but what if you can’t?
Chances are that if you are feeling stressed out your child is too. Not all children are able to express that they are tired until they have a melt down. Children as old as nine can have tantrums when they reach their melting point. When your family seems out of control like a runaway freight train you should ask yourself the following questions and decide if you need to apply the brakes:
1. My child is involved in this activity because… If you don’t know the answer to this question maybe you should rethink why your child is enrolled in the activity. Many parents feel that in order for their child to be well rounded they should be involved in as many activities as possible. This simply isn’t true. A child can be involved in one or two activities and be perfectly happy and well rounded. Limiting a child’s extra-curricular activities allows them down time after school to relax and just be a kid. It also gives a child more time to focus on schoolwork. You can reward your children for good academic achievement by allowing them to participate in clubs and sports.
2. As a parent I’m involved in an activity because… Moms want to be involved in their child’s activities at school if they have time. Unfortunately many moms get involved in the activities or committees because they were asked and couldn’t say no. If you find yourself in this situation after you’ve said yes, the best way out is to be truthful and tell the committee chair you simply cannot do this any longer. In a best-case scenario the person will understand, in a worst-case scenario they won’t ask you again. You can say NO and walk away; remember, volunteers can’t be fired.
3. My child is struggling in school because… No mom wants to admit that her child is doing poorly in school. If your child is having trouble now is the time to look at their activities after school and on the weekend. Is your child a member of many clubs and sports activities? Does TV watching and video games take precedent over schoolwork? Do they have time to do their homework after school or are they in an activity that ends after dinner? We all want to teach our children follow-through. They need to know that they should finish what they start but in some cases children need to quit a sport or club if they can’t get their homework done. It is hard to say no to a child that loves the activity but in many cases the child can rejoin the activity after they get their grades back up. Teaching our children to prioritize when they are young will help them later in life when we aren’t around to remind them.
4. We haven’t had a family meal in weeks because… When is the last time your family sat down at the dinner table to eat a meal? If you can’t even remember when, it is time to slow down and make some changes. One of the best ways to find out what is going on in your child’s life is to sit down and talk to them. Scheduling a family dinner if only once or twice a week can help accomplish this. Talking to your child over the back of the car seat twice a day won’t give you any real clues as to what is going on in their lives. If your evenings are complicated plan a special breakfast where you can all sit down together and talk. Scheduling meals can bring people together especially if you involve the kids in the planning and preparation of the meals. You may even be surprised at the level they become involved when they feel that they are in charge of their own special meals. You may even want to follow the dinner with a movie or board game night, kids choice!
5. My house is a mess because… Do you even have time to clean the house? Most moms will agree that they have some areas of the house (if not all) that need constant attention. If you find yourself picking up everyone’s clothes, books, papers and dishes you need to make some changes to save your sanity and your back. First, lay down some simple rules about picking up personal items. It may help to have baskets for each person that can be used to deposit items until they can be returned to their proper place. Second, make it a priority in the evening or on weekends for everyone to do a chore before they can do any special activities. You can’t constantly be your kids’ taxi driver/chef/house keeper if you don’t have some help. Even small children can help taking sheets off of the bed, sorting laundry by color and bringing it to the laundry room, putting dishes in the dishwasher and putting their toys in their room. It is true that many hands make light work. When your family makes cleaning the house a priority you may be surprised how quickly the work gets done leaving you free to enjoy your time together.
It may be impossible to stop all of the activities your family is involved in but limiting them to allow for family time will alleviate stress for everyone. It is important to remember that family should come first and outside interests second. We are constantly being told by outsiders how we can fit more into our schedules and compromise when we shouldn’t. Try and remember it is okay to slow down and make time for your family. The only thing that you will miss out on is the stress!
