Some people just know what they want in life. I knew a guy who was dead set on becoming a neurologist from the time he was four. Another friend knew she’d become a psychologist. As for my best friend, Britney, she wanted to be a mom and she wasn’t going to accept no for an answer even if her body wasn’t willing to cooperate.
Me? I didn’t have a clue what I wanted in life. Britney was older than me, so while she had life figured out, I was still struggling. Through it all though, the two of us stayed very close. We had known each other for nearly all of our lives and had met during a school project when we became penpals. At first it was just letters, but that soon became emails, phone calls, and then finally meeting in person.
I remember when we were teenagers, Britney would always talk about wanting a large family. She asked me to be her child’s godparent and I accepted. None of us thought too much of it, but that one comment would go on to change both of our lives.
Making The Decision To Become A Surrogate Mom
Britney was 20 when she found out she had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). She was devastated and cried for days. She feared that she would never be able to have kids, but I refuse to believe that. I told her that she had promised me a godchild. Then, half jokingly, said she can’t go back on that deal, even if it meant I had to be her surrogate . We both laughed, but even then, I was sincere.
Doctors told her that Britney should still be able to have kids, but as the years passed, it became very clear that she wouldn’t. She became more depressed month after month, and I wasn’t doing so great myself. I have many health problems and had recently been told that I have an 85% chance of passing on the disorder to my child. I wasn’t willing to take that risk.
Then, one day it just clicked. Why not really become a surrogate for Britney and her husband? Since it would be their DNA, the child wouldn’t inherit any negative health problems. At the same time, I could have a child without that fear that he’d come out sick.
Surrogate Mom Arrangements
The arrangements of the whole thing were pretty crazy. I would definitely not recommend it to someone who is just choosing a random surrogate who they don’t know. I’d also suggest that parents make it very clear, in writing, just who the child belongs to after birth. There have been many cases where the surrogate mother has a change of heart and decides to keep the baby for herself. This wasn’t a problem for me though, because in my case, Britney asked me to move in with her. Not only did it help me financially, but it also gave her a chance to experience the pregnancy too.
As far as parenting goes, I knew this child was going to belong to Britney and her husband. On the other hand, they both made it very clear that they wanted me to be the godparent. They wanted me to have just as much time with the child as aunts, uncles, or even grandparents would. They also loved the idea of having someone live with them because this meant that there would be another person to help with the child. I loved this part too. To be perfectly honestly, I’m not sure I could just hand over a baby and never see it again. That’s not to say other surrogate can’t, but in my case, having a chance to watch the child grow up was the best payment I could ever get.
Advice For Future Surrogate Parents
I’m not saying that this arrangement would have worked for everyone, because it probably wouldn’t. Unless you have a very close friend or family member who you’d trust with your life, (because, after all, this is your child’s life) you’re probably better off going through a surrogate agency.
On the other hand, things worked out great for me and Britney. She and her husband are considering having a second child and I’m more than willing to surrogate again if needed. She’s an amazing mother and I love her and her child beyond words. Both our lives are more complete now and I feel like fate brought us together for this exact reason.
Sources:
Shared Conception, “Surrogate Mother FAQ”
Growing Generations, “Becoming A Surrogate Parent”
Daily Mail, “Heartbreak of Couple Who’ve Given Up Right to See Surrogate Baby”
Daily Bhaskar, “Surrogate mom wants kid back”
