Psychology Today defines empty nest syndrome as “feelings of depression, sadness, and/or grief experienced by parents and caregivers after children come of age and leave their childhood homes. Although this syndrome can affect either parent, it is experienced more deeply by mothers. Ask any mother what empty nest is and she will tell you it is a feeling that her productive years are over.
A women who spent her life taking care of others now finds no one really needs her anymore. On top of all of that, if she is a stay at home mom, dad is probably still working and she is alone a large amount of the time. Most parents breeze through the experience of empty nest syndrome with few difficulties. Other people have a very difficult time getting over that empty feeling. Nothing is wrong with seeking counseling, if the emptiness and sadness continue. There are a few clues that let you know help might be needed to get through this difficult time.
1. Depression is to be expected when any sudden life change takes place. Empty nest syndrome depression is included int his list of sudden life changes. Crying more than usual might be an indication of depression. There is no set time limit for how long depression should last, so the decision that enough is enough is on an individual basis. Other family members and friends can help to access if you are depressed and might need help. 2. Inability to let go of children. Discussing your children will always be a part of your life. Sharing their successes and keeping in touch are all normal in the process of parenting an adult child. If excessive time is spent thinking about the kids, or you find yourself visiting or calling them too much, this is not normal. Not only is it not healthy for you as a parent, but you are not allowing your child the room to grow up and become independent.
3. Isolation and wanting to be alone. A positive thing about not having children at home, is the fact that you have more free time on your hands. Those projects and trips that were always on the back burner can now be accomplished. Spending too much time alone is not mentally health, plus it is an indication of depression. How much time alone is too much? If the isolation is extended or a new addition to your daily routine, you might need help.
Deciding if the problem is empty nest can sometimes be difficult. A women during this time of her life might be dealing with multiple issues, including menapouse, midlife crisis and reduced phsycial ability. A counselor can help access the level of depression and decide on an appropriate course of treatment. Sometimes a listening ear is all that is needed. Other times, medication might help ease the depression and anxiety.
The most important thing to remember is that empty nest syndrome is a normal part of parenting. Try to think back to what your life was like before you had children. Look at the experience as a chance to rediscover you and your spouse. After all, the nest will soon be crowded again with grandchidlren and this time you can really enjoy them and send them home when you get tired of them!
