Zami A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde, and Black Boy by Richard Wright are two texts that depict what is appears to be one of societies greatest fears in life; loneliness. Zami is a biomythography that details the confusion Lorde experiences growing up in not only a racist society that was not accepting to her dark skinned family, but a society that was not open to “alternative lifestyles”. Lorde seems to struggle the most with her isolation during her youth, and seems to gain confidence and acceptance as she grows older. This is probably due to her personal aging, and society growing up as well. In Black Boy, Richard Wright writes his life story mapping his struggles from a young mischievous boy, to the deeper more painful experiences growing up as a black man in the Jim Crow South. He writes of his isolation in a much different manner than Lorde, displaying much more anger and passion, but ultimately both Lorde and Wright show that loneliness is not always a negative experience, but is always painful. They also show that separation is not the same as loneliness and can have positive effects.
While Lorde did also grow up in a racist society, her loneliness mainly stems from her sexual preferences and her family. Lorde writes, “I have always wanted to be both man and woman, to incorporate the strongest and richest parts of my mother and father within/into me- to share valleys and mountains upon my body the way the earth does in hills and peaks” (7).
It is reported that 1.2 million of the United States population choose alternative lifestyles, however Lorde was growing up in a time where people were not “out”, and it was not a commonly discussed topic. “As a child, the most horrible condition I could contemplate was being wrong and being discovered. Mistakes could mean exposure, maybe even annihilation… how much of this is the pretense of self-rejection that became an immovable protective mask, how much the programmed hate that we were fed to keep ourselves a part, apart?” (Lorde, 54). This provides a lot of insight into why Lorde felt so isolated. Her greatest fear as a child was to make a mistake. Personally, making a mistake as a young adult or an adult seems more significant than making one as young child who should be easily forgiven. This pressure from home probably made her feel even more different then was necessary. Lorde probably realized that if she were to share the feelings she was having regarding her sexuality, that that behavior would be considered a “mistake”.
Less serious matters of isolation stemmed from her sisters. These instances of isolation are not as serious as others, but still add to her feeling of loneliness. Her two older sisters spend their evenings making up stories and Lorde finds this practice fascination. I thought that the very idea of telling stories and not getting whipped for telling untrue was the most marvelous thing I could think of , and every night that week I begged to be allowed to listen, not realizing that they couldn’t stop me” (Lorde, 46). Helen was very against including Lorde and really tortured her in the process of excluding her. “I could have kicked myself… I realized that my big mouth had done me out of a night’s installment, and probably of all the installments for the rest of the week. I also knew that Mother would never let me out of her sight the next day long enough for me to catch up to my sisters, as they ran off down the beach to complete their tale in secret” (Lorde, 48). From a young age Lorde feels the effects of being isolated, even in her own families. Helen and Phyllis had each other, while Lorde was left to tagging along with their mother who also further intensified her isolation.
As any child would Lorde greatly values her mothers’ opinion, therefore furthering her isolation. In one scene Lorde is playing out in the snow waiting for her mom. She is four years old yet still has an immense feeling that she is somehow different, isolated. “I felt caught in the middle of an embarrassing and terrible act from which there could be no hiding” (Lorde, 40). While four years old is quite a young age for having sexual feelings towards another child, she should still not have to feel guilty for playing with a friend, yet she does. She feels so isolated because she is attempting to act a certain way to please her mother; Lorde has this feeling of guilt for what seems her entire life.
Lorde’s experiences with others who share her sexual preference also shape the extremes of her isolation. Lorde first best friend is Genevieve Thompson. She never comes out and says that she is attracted to Gennie in more then a friendly way, however there is such an intense friendship between them, that it is very easy to see how Gennie’s death could have affected Lorde’s later relationships, and intensified her feelings of isolation. On page eighty-seven Lorde writes “Gennie was the first person in my life that I was ever conscious of loving. She was my first true friend.” Lorde also mentions the fact that they never “let their bodies touch and tell the passions that they felt” (97). From reading the book one can deduce that while it was never spoken Gennie was the first girl that Lorde loved in a way that was more then friends. When Gennie kills herself, one can only imagine the pain that Lorde goes through. It is made very clear in the biomythography that Lorde’s parents do not approve of Gennie. “Listen, my darling child, let me tell you something or your own good. Don’t get mix-up with this girl and her parent’s business, you hear? … Well, anyway. Look. I don’t want you hanging around till all hours of the night with that girl. Whatever she doing she buying trouble to feed it. You mark my words. I wouldn’t be a bit surprise if she bring a stomach…” (96). Based on her parents extreme dislike of Gennie (particularly Lorde’s mother) it was logical that Lorde suffered through her grief alone. The sting of Gennie’s suicide is sharpened when Lorde arrives home from the hospital and her mother tries to make the situation less important and brush it aside. “You mustn’t be upset too much by all this, dear heart… I know she was your friend and you feel bad, but this is what I been cautioning you about. Be careful who you go around with. The merciless quality of my mother’s fumbling insights turned her attempt at comfort into another assault. As if her harshness could confer invulnerability upon me. As if in the flames of truth as she saw it, I could eventually be forged into some pain -resistant replica of herself” (Lorde, 101). Lorde does not have anyone that understands the pain she endured from losing Gennie, the only one who seemed to make her feel worthy.
At age seventeen Lorde moves out of her parents house- not on positive terms; this intensifies her feelings of isolation. She has a boyfriend for a short time, but it soon ends. Lorde writes, “The rest of autumn was an agony of loneliness, long subway rides, and not enough sleep. I worked forty-four hours a week at the hospital and went to school for fifteen more. I traveled three hours a day to and from Brighton Beach. That left half-day Saturday and all Sunday to cry over Peter’s silence and to wonder if my mother was missing me” (105). At this point Lorde is pretty low. She is without her mother, and her boyfriend, who somewhat replaced the closeness she had with her mother when she left home. Around the holiday’s she has plans to meet up with Peter and Lorde is ecstatic. When Peter does not show up she spends New Years Eve alone. “He called me a few days later with an explanation and I hung up on him immediately, in self-protection. I wanted to pretend he had never existed and that I had never been someone who could be treated so” (Lorde, 107). Lorde becomes even more isolated in the following weeks when she discovers she is pregnant. She is the epitome of the word isolated.
Richard Wright does not suffer isolation due to a highly criticized sexual preference, but instead suffers isolation due to his race; however the main source of his isolation had to do with his family. As a young boy Wright does not realize the differences between races immediately. A conversation with his mother questioning his grandparents, and fathers’ backgrounds leads him to come to terms with the fact that he is colored. “I did not object to being called colored, but I knew that there was something my mother was holding back. She was not concealing facts, but feelings, attitudes, convictions which she did not want me to know” (Wright, 49). Prior to this Wright did not realize that he was isolated because of his race. One of the joys of being a young child is the ability to view the world without judgment, at this point of Wright’s life he is just being introduced to the ugliness of race.
As Wright grows older and is exposed to the evils of segregation, he begins to feel more isolated due to his race and becomes defensive. “The hostility of the whites had become so deeply implanted in my mind and feelings that it had lost direct connection with the daily environment in which I lived; and my reactions to this hostility fed upon itself, grew or diminished according to the news that reached me about the whites, according to what I aspired or hoped for” (Wright, 74).
The ramifications of his race were felt even more as he matured. He wants to get a job and his innocence ends up insulting the first white woman he wants to work for. “‘Now, boy, I want to ask you one question and I want you to tell me the truth,’ she said. ‘Yes, ma’am,’ I said, all attention. ‘Do you steal?’ she asked me seriously. I burst into a laugh, then checked myself… I had made a mistake during my first five minutes in the white world. I hung my head (Wright, 145). Wright does not realize the intense distrust that the majority of white people have of his race, and this experience makes it much clearer to Wright how isolated he really is.
Similar to Lorde, Wright endures extreme criticism from his family. He is so often put down that it is hard to understand how he has any self esteem at all. He writes, “By imagining a place where everything was possible I kept hope alive in me… Yet I felt that I had to go somewhere and do something to redeem being alive” (168-169). Wright feels like his life is meaningless without his writing most likely due to the constant belittling he endures. Wright begins to doubt being accepted at a young age. In one particular incident he is resisting his uncle’s punishment and his uncle harshly berates him, “You think you’re a man,” he said, dropping his arm and letting the switch drag in the dust of the yard. His lips moved as he groped for words. “But you’ll learn, and you’ll learn the hard way. I wish I could be an example to you…” (160). Uncle Tom criticizes Wright so harshly while he is at such a young age, it is only likely that one would assume that Wright would have stronger feelings of loneliness due to this treatment.
Wright continues to feel isolated due to the criticism he receives from his grandma. “You left the church and you are on your own. You are with the world. You’re dead to me, dead to Christ” (144). This criticism just added to the loneliness Wright would carry with him through life.
The most significant criticisms that add to his feelings of isolation are the ones Wright receives from his grandmother and uncle regarding his writing. When Richard is first published instead of being praised for his work his grandmother instead of congratulating him she questions why he even writes and says, “That’s the Devil’s work” (Wright, 168). His Uncle Tom, “though surprised, was highly critical and contemptuous. The story had no point, he said. And whoever heard of a story by the title of The Voodoo of Hell’s Half-Acre?“(Wright, 168). This harsh criticism following the first accomplishment of his life caused Wright to begin to doubt himself even more. “In the end I was so angry that I refused to talk about the story. From no quarter, with the exception of the Negro newspaper editor, had there come a single encouraging word” (168). The first accomplishment Wright achieves does not receive proper acclaim. His writing should ultimately bring him closer to feeling included and less alone, yet his family- the people who should be supporting him the most brush off his achievement as an insignificant action.
Despite the positive outcomes that stemmed from the loneliness Lorde and Wright endured there is always pain in loneliness. While it can be a time of reflection, a time of self evaluation and a time to learn much about oneself there is always a looming ache for acceptance or a longing for company or for some sort of companionship
Yes, there is a positive value in separation from others. Similar to how loneliness can be a time of reflection and self evaluation, these same things are achieved in separation from others. Loneliness is a negative form of separation. Separation is always defined as a negative thing, when you are little you are separated from your brother or sister when you fight with them, you are separated from your best friends when you move as a young child, you are separated from her boyfriend or girlfriend when you go away to college, and you are separated from your loved ones when they die. They context in which separation is most commonly used makes it very apparent as to why one would think separation is a negative thing, however it is not. Sometimes the best times are had being alone. Taking “me time”. The depictions of separation in Zami and Black boy are not ones of taking “me time”, but rather a social separation but it still has a positive value. Lorde learned more about herself as a person when she separated herself from the world. Wright discovered his talents as a writer through his separation.
There is a definite stigma attached to the practice of solitary existence. This practice is associated with terms such as “hermit”, “recluse”, “loner”, and none of those words come even close to touching the true meaning of a solitary existence. One also thinks of “solitary confinement” which is usually associated with an extreme punishment for some sort of terrible crime. However, as solitary existence has nothing to do with being a “hermit”, or being a criminal rather it is exactly what it sounds like; it is an existence that is solitary. It is living alone, it is breaking away from society for a while and learning about oneself. A solitary existence can be taken by choice as it has in some past texts that have been read in class; however it can also be instigated by society itself, such as it did in Zami, and in Black Boy.
The American short story writer and novelist Tom Wolfe once said, “The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and to a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence” This is a very true statement. Loneliness is part of everyones existence , and Lorde and Wright suffered through loneliness and showed the positive outcomes that can ultimately come out of being alone.
Works Cited
Lorde, Audre. Zami a new spelling of my name. Berkeley: The Crossing Press, 1982.
Wright, Richard. Black Boy.San Francisco: Perennial Classics, 1942.
