I recently was pouring through articles on-line looking for something to spark some creativity. Instead I found this horrifying fact. The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.” What? To begin with how have we found this out, and why is there not public outrage. I for one am not happy to know that in my 26 years of life I have eaten enough insect legs to produce a colony. Secondly, is there someone randomly going through chocolate to find these insect legs? And worse yet now I have begun to build on this. Where did all the bodies go? What kind of insects did the legs belong to? Is there other confections with the body of the insect? When eating a Twizzler must I worry about the torso of an ant?
So after my complete and total shock and horror, I then wondered what else don’t I know. What else horrifying fact will I find? ” Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously”. Sweet lord in heaven. Was grandma in the kitchen at Thanksgiving and thought, “Well I wonder what would happen if I injected this into my veins, let’s give it a try!”. It’s upsetting that anyone would do this, but more upsetting is it was probably done more than once to prove this to be fact. I guess everyone has to die for something. I however hope I die for world peace and not due to a missing pumpkin pie ingredient.
Back to insects, after all I will never be able to let that fact go. Ants always fall over to the right when they are intoxicated. First of all this could somehow be linked to the legs in chocolate. If ants are walking around intoxicated it could explain the 8 leg chocolate horror. Somehow though this seems like some sort of back woods hillbilly experiment. Not only did someone get some ants plastered, they then tracked them to see what way they would fall. I commend you for spending your time wisely. I am a much more enlightened human being knowing that ants will never fall to the left after having a bud light. Thanks.
Speaking of Bud Light. Humans have sex for pleasure, I knew that. However according to some research they have also decided that the only other mammal that has sex for pleasure is the dolphin. I have a couple issues with this. First off, I had heard that a pig has a penis in the shape of a corkscrew. Why would he be given that if not to use it for pleasure? That seems quite unfair. But moving on from that how did we figure out that the dolphin is feeling pleasured? Remind me to never work at Sea World. Somehow I have a feeling that would be my job. Okay we are all going to go train these dolphins over here to save people, you go see if that dolphin moans.
To end I would like to bring you up to date on one more thing. In the last 4,000 years no new animals have been domesticated. I am sorry that is a lie. I know that is a lie. Because you know that the guys that are tracking drunken ants have a buddy who have domesticated some back woods creature. “This here is my pet ground hog Earl”.
