The word “no” is heard with great frequency in our every day lives. As adults we find ourselves dealing with “no” on a regular basis. For example: “No, there are no tables without a reservation” or “No, you have to wait your turn” or even ” No, we are out of that brand”. There are signs all over our landscape with messages that read “no smoking”, ” no parking” or “no skateboards”. The word “no” is just a fact of life for us all. Children need to learn at an early age, that even though life can be a very positive experience , they will in fact be told “no” and they will have to learn how to accept it and move on. Reading some of the best parenting advice ever about saying “No” to children may help some parents to get that point across.
1. The importance of what surrounds the “No”. We’ve all heard the expression “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”. Never is this more aptly shown than when we try to find ways to say “no” to our children. Part of the best advice ever about saying “no ” to children is to realize that children will react to the word “no” but also to what accompanies it. If every time they hear “no” it is said loudly, with anger or meanness or the word is surrounded by other harsh or abusive language from a parent then the child will quite naturally begin to form a very negative response of his or her own to the word “no.
If on the other hand, parents follow the best parenting advice ever about saying “no” to children , they will couch the “no” in kind, caring language that is far more likely to coax a cooperative response from children and instill a better overall response to the word “no”. In fact, children who repeatedly hear gentleness and concern in a parent’s voice learn to accept and respect the “no” as something parents say to keep children well or safe. Their willingness to respond without a fuss to a parental “no” will likely be increased.
2. Alternatives Part of the best parenting advice ever about saying “no” to children includes the suggestion that parents should try to introduce alternatives when they need to negate a child’s behavior or request. Through a careful use of other options parents can take the sting out of a flat “no ” and lead both themselves and their child peacefully away from a full blown confrontation.
For example, instead of saying to a child “No, you can’t watch television” and ending up in a possible screaming match where everyone is a loser, it’s smarter to say “I’d rather you didn’t watch television so how about making a puzzle with me ( or taking a walk to the park, or helping to get supper ready) instead.
Alternative suggestions can also be offered with your “no” when you can also say a backhanded “yes” simply by changing the time frame. Here the child hears the “no” , but before he or she can get too upset they also hear the fact that at another time the desired activity can take place. For example “No, I’m afraid you can’t have cake right now, but I will cut you a special piece that you can have after supper”. In this example the “yes” replaces the “no” before the “no” really has a chance to settle in. By learning to suggest alternative activities or alternative times for the same activities parents and children will find it much easier to survive an initial “no
3. Actually Saying Yes Some of the best parenting advice ever about saying “no” to children is connected to the concept of frequency. Parents are encouraged to keep tabs on their own adult responses to their children’s requests to gather a sense of how often they say”no” compared to how often the say “yes. If you find yourself saying “no” a disproportionate number of times, it may be time to consider how frequently you are saying “no” simply out of habit or for personal convenience. How often, in other words, do you say “no” because it means that you don’t have to interrupt whatever you’re doing, you don’t have to get up off the sofa and basically you don’t have to spend more time with your child.
When your child listens closely to you, he or she should really hear lots of “yes” responses during the day. If all your child hears is “no” her or she may become less and less able to differentiate between a habitual “no” and a really important one. With older children the frequency of the “no” response may bring them to the decision that it really isn’t worth asking, not a direction that you want your teens to take.
If you begin to hear yourself too frequently saying “no”, the best parenting advice ever about saying “no” to children suggests it is best to really work at listening to your child’s requests and when at all possible sprinkling in some answers that are “yes”. The bottom line of this suggestion is that it is really important that parents listen not only to what their children are asking but also to what they are saying in response.
4. Allowing Children to Say “No” Some parents become troubled by how often their children, even when they are very young, say “no” in response to adult or sibling direction. Some parents even tell children not to say “no”. What may be part of the best advice ever about saying no to children is to teach them that about some things, they too have the power to say no. Teaching a child to say “No, No” to a sibling about to do something dangerous is a good thing and should be encouraged. Encouraging a child to kindly , but firmly, say “no” to their cat or dog when it is acting inappropriately is also a good thing.
Parents can also teach children to say “no” to choices when they are offered , for example selecting things to wear, shows to watch on television and games to play can all receive a negative response from a child in an appropriate manner. When children are taught how to respectfully say “no” to some options they learn the power of the word but also the right way to use it.
Our children will grow up into a world where the word “no” will be important to their own well being. That’s why the best parental advice ever about saying “no” to children is to teach them at an early age, through your own example, how important the word “no” can be in their lives and how to say it appropriately.
