Being a step-parent is just as challenging as being a biological parent. Being a step-parent also poses its own challenges and situations that biological parents do not have to face.
You can be a step-parent whether or not you are married to your partner. When you live in the same house as your partner, and share space with him or her, and their child or children, you also take on the role of step-parent. While you are not “officially” or legally their step-parent or guardian, you still take on the responsibility of acting as a parent, and you are involved in their emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical development.
This advice comes to you from someone who grew up with step-parents on both sides of the family, and as someone who is currently a step-parent to two children.
Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents
#1 Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents: Accept and love the kids as your own.
When you think about your partner’s kids, think of them as your kids. When you talk to your partner about the kids, call them “our” kids. Treat your step-children as if they were your biological children. When you live with or are married to someone with kids from a previous relationship, you need accept those kids as if they were your own.
#2 Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents: Treat step-children and biological children the same.
For mixed families, it is important for step-parents to treat all children in the family the same. Do not give preferential treatment to your biological children over your step-children. While all children have their own needs, how you treat them should be even stevens.
#3 Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents: Be a Cohesive Family
When you have step-children, do not treat them as if they are part of another family. They are part of the family you have created with your partner, and any other children you have.
#3 Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents: It’s Their House Too
Make step-children who do not live with you full-time feel at all times like they are home. Do not make them feel like guests or visitors. Give them as much of their own space and room for personal items as you can.
#4 Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents: Step-children need to help out
This also means they are not just like hotel guests, and they should also share in any household responsibilities of the family.
#5 Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents: Understand that the kids come first
When you partner with someone who already has children, understand and accept that for many parents the children comes first. This is not a matter of lipservice. This encompasses every aspect of daily life and family decision making.
#6 Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents: Do not overstep boundaries of the biological parents
It is easy not to overstep the boundaries of your partner, the biological parent of your step-children. But what about the boundaries of their other biological parent? When you are unsure about something, from eating junk food, to what type of movies they are allowed to watch, ask the other parent, or even the kids themselves.
#7 Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents: Know that one day you may not be their step-parent
For couples that are not married, it can be difficult for the non-biological parent to take on a parenting role when there is no security that the relationship will continue. It is important to accept that for right now, you are in a parental role, even if that role at some point comes to an end, if the relationship ends. This can also affect families when divorce occurs.
#8 Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents: Do not talk badly about their parent
No matter how much you might dislike the “ex” of your partner, never, ever talk badly about that person in front of the children. Do not underestimate their power to hear, understand, or repeat the information. Children do not need to hear bad things about their parents.
#9 Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents: Realize that Kids are dealing with two sets of rules
Realize that children who live with one biological parent and spend nights, weekends and vacations with another parents are living with two sets of household rules. Kids do need constant reminders. Be patient with them, because what is okay at one parent’s house may not be okay at the other’s.
#10 Best Parenting Advice Ever for Step-Parents: Know that someday you will hear the words “You’re not my mom” or “You’re not my dad”
Good step-parents who follow the above advice, do all the right things, and invest time and emotion will still, one day, hear the inevitable words, “You’re not my mom” or “You’re not My Dad.”
Know that someday this will slip from the mouth of that sweet child who does not like being told what to do, and may be testing the waters with you. It is hard not to be hurt when you hear that. Try not to respond verbally, and if they have not already, ask your partner, their biological parent to address that issue.
