Who doesn’t appreciate humor in advertising? And what better way to charm a jaded consumer than taking everyday talcum powder, market it specifically for the scrotum and then call it “Bálla Powder”? The accent is a nice touch, but wait, why not heighten the tongue-in-cheek factor with glib little nuggets like: “Bálla Powder will make clammy sacks a thing of the past and will put ‘batwings’ on the endangered species list”. (That quote was actually lifted from the product’s official website. Incidentally, for those of you who don’t know what a “batwing” is, urbandictionary.com will be more than glad to explain it to you.)
It was enough to sucker me into buying a can of this magic dust, despite all my good sense telling me that a bottle of Gold Bond’s Medicated Powder could probably perform the same task at a far less heftier price – drugstore.com sells a 100mg can of Bálla Powder at an appalling $12.99.
Who pays $13 for talcum powder and what’s the selling point to justify the cost for such a common personal grooming item? If I’m paying just for the copy writer’s clever ability to tap into Generation Y euphemisms that describe the hilarious condition known as ball musk, then I’ll pass. Still, before I’m ready to trash this product entirely – and I’ve already regarded the price as an automatic strike – I’m still prepared to see what this item has to offer. With my testicles as testing ground, let the dusting begin.
The packaging for Bálla is very sleek. It’s a black cylinder that would not look out of place in a European arriviste’s travel kit. The ingredients contain talc, zinc oxide, fragrance, aloe barbadensis extract and chamomile extract. According to www.ballapowder.com, the powder is available in original and tingle formula, fragrant and fragrance-free. I will be testing the original fragrant formula – sans the tingle.
Among a few other entertaining and informative tidbits, I want to mention one other important thing the site asserts about its product: “Bálla Powder for Men contains non-asbestiform talc that DOES NOT contain carcinogenic asbestos fibers. FDA considers non-asbestiform talc to be Generally Recognized As Safe (GRAS) for use in cosmetics.”
Now, let’s talk brass balls.
Compared with what I usually use (Gold Bond’s Medicated), side by side, there’s no visible difference and both have a silky texture. Bálla however, does sport a really pleasant oaky/musk fragrance that’s not overpowering or obnoxious. Furthermore, it remains a faintly noticeable scent on the skin. I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. Cupping about four or five shakes in my palm, I was ready to dust my privates. I gently dredged my sac in the powder like a pair of raw cutlets, and pretty soon my crotch looked like it was sporting two finely powdered German pfeffernusse.
The humid summer months in New York City are unforgiving. Adjusting yourself every 30 seconds is the last thing you want to be caught doing – it’s embarrassing, uncomfortable and it practically signals to everyone around that your goods are stewing down there. Similar to Gold Bond, Bálla left me dry and fresh for many hours. At the end of the work day, I went to the men’s room and surreptitiously performed a hand sweep of my nethers, copped a sniff and found a pleasing, neutral scent – plus, I was still dry. I washed my hands and went home.
I was satisfied – but not satisfied enough to pay $13.
Bálla Powder is not strictly confined to taming crotch stew. It works just as well for other parts of the body susceptible to dank conditions – feet, armpits, etc. However, versatility is not reason enough to shell out such money, especially since other talcum powders can boast the same claims, and at a fraction of the cost. The lesson here, as with some of my past reviews, is leave the cheeky, niche marketing out of your desire to buy such common products. After all, Bálla didn’t invent the scrotum sprinkle — it was just the first with enough balls to market itself as the first.
