The life of a musician can be troublesome. More times than not playing for crowds of indifference, being forced through the kitchen and up the stairs with equipment designed to be carried by Goliath, compensation that is marginal in comparison to the amount of time invested in preparation, and knowing that playing for you will at some point be all that you have.
I would suspect that after reading the initial statement some of you may be curious as to why I continue to consciously place myself in situations that seem to offer little to no satisfaction? Well, to be honest it is not a conscious decision on my behalf. Music, among many other arts is not something that can be suppressed. It personifies your character in ways that grow in depth as we mature and begin to understand who we truly are. The irony behind the notion rests in that as soon as we think we know who we are, we realize we know nothing at all. Finding your musical voice is an abstract construct based on a variety of factors. Experiences, preferences, patience, understanding, love. Dreams, memories, life, luck. To quantify the necessary timeline required for discovering your voice is as functional as protecting a lion from its prey. Time truly does tell and all we can do, essentially, is wait. I am waiting for my voice to find me. I feel its presence looming close yet remaining at bay until the moment is right otherwise I may not be prepared to receive its grace.
What does music represent to me? Discovering intent. Understanding emotions. Realizing weaknesses. Music represents a means to perceive the indescribable. Within those simple words rests the foundation for my desire to create. Confident sensitivity. Translating melodies and rhythms from a tangible place inside into thought-provoking, heart-felt melodic statements. Music is also an undeniable way to connect people to other people and common experiences. Providing people with an opportunity to step outside of themselves for even just a moment, just long enough to remember who they are and where they came from. Rediscovering your roots. Remembering your home. Loving your parents. Loving yourself. This is why I play music.
Being a musician is a beautiful existence. At times in my career I have felt utter disgust when I have been called to play yet another wedding or some other ceremonial act of intense social proportions. Now, a bit wiser I realize that being there, being a part of those moments, seeing real love and happiness, providing entertaining times for people who desire entertainment is truly a unique experience all to itself. This realization of sorts came about relatively recently while attending my step-brother’s wedding as, for a change, a guest and not an employee. I watched the ceremony with compassion and a tender heart who produced a few tender tears all the while watching with admiration the pastor glow with a radiant energy which spoke volumes for the enjoyment he must feel while helping to merge the lives of two. It was in those moments I realized I too have been fortunate enough to have been in a similar position, yet my short-sightedness prevented me from appreciating the beauty of my own circumstances to the fullest, a mistake whose occurrence will hopefully dwindle.
My life as a musician is indeed a blessing. I have made incredibly intimate friendships and learned to have incredibly intimate conversations without a spoken word. I have met some of the most humble people in existence and felt a great pleasure to be in their presence and I have also met some of the most arrogant people in existence and have done my best to embrace their character, though tough at times. I have learned more about who I am and what I have to say via my physical tool for creation than any other facet in my life. I love music very deeply and our relationship, though sometimes volatile, is a relationship that will last a lifetime. I have also learned that as rewarding and enjoyable the experience of playing other peoples music can be, there is nothing like the feeling of playing your own music and having it well received.
I await my chance to share myself musically with the universe and I await a chance to play for crowds of continual interest, for that is all I require.
