To better understand what life is like with Emetophobia it is important to go over what a normal day for an emetophobe might look like. I will be chronicling what a day in my life might look like.
I wake up every morning and quickly scan my body to see if I am feeling ill at all. Luckily today my stomach feels fine, so far so good. I walk into my bathroom, wash my hands, use the restroom and close the toilet seat using a towel. I flush and then once more was my hands.
I like to make sure that I have everything I need on my person. I carry compazine in case I get nauseous, emetrol in case it is urgent and I can’t wait for the compazine to kick in, and vitamin C just in case I might eat something that I think could possibly make me ill. I once read, and who knows if this is even true, that taking 3000mg of Vitamin C after eating something that might cause food poisoning will kill it in your stomach.
I wash my hands several more times before I leave my house for work. I drive to work alone. I could carpool, but I am afraid to drive in a car with someone else. I am afraid they are going to vomit while we are driving.
I get to work and check with the secretary to see who in the office. I am secretly checking to see if anyone called in sick. If she says that someone has called in I have to find out who, and why. If they have some sort of stomach bug that means I will not eat for 72 hours, just in case I touched something they touched yesterday and have been exposed to the virus. In my mind if I do not eat, I can not throw up.
Once at my desk I purell my hands. I am constantly purelling my hands. It’s like I am an addict. I do however feel like my desk is a safe zone. I don’t think about the cleaning lady who touched my desk the night before. I don’t worry that she may have been sick, and that I may get ill from something she touched. No my desk is a safe zone.
I do have to use a shared bathroom. This is tricky. I do not want to touch anything, no door knobs, no handles, not even the water faucet. I pull my sleeve over my arm to open everything up. I was my hands before and after using the rest room. I also fully line the toilet seat. I am afraid the whole time I am in the restroom. What if someone comes in to throw up? What would I do?
Home from work I get back to my house. My house is also relatively safe. Even though I clean it with bleach everyday I still am nervous about the kitchen. I am afraid that there is salmonella lingering on the countertops or that someone has touched a cabinet pull without washing their hands. I always run the dishwasher twice; I do not think the first time kills all the germs. I also never reuse a cup that has been sitting out.
Now comes dinner time. I don’t cook. I am afraid of raw meat and eggs and can not touch them. I also will not eat alone, so if my husband is not home, I don’t eat. I have to have someone else eat the same food as I do because I often get “phantom” food poisoning symptoms. If my husband eats the same thing I did and does not have the same stomach ache then I know it is all in my head.
Before bed I clean the kitchen with bleach and the bathroom. I was my hands repeatedly, and take a boiling hot shower. I lie down in bed on freshly bleached sheets and pray that I will have another day like this one, another day where I do not throw up.
