Consider these books a good foundation for anyone who is new to BDSM or for those who are simply curious about it but don’t know where to find good, clear information. One of the most important aspects of BDSM is the idea that it is safe, sane, and consensual (often abbreviated “SSC”). The best way to make sure that anything you might do – or have done to you – stays within the boundaries of SSC is to educate yourself.
This list is not intended to be comprehensive; it is, however, comprised of books that are often recommended to people who are just beginning to explore what BDSM entails. Of course, one book – even 10 books – can’t encompass the broad variety of ways in which people express their sexuality through BDSM. Reading these books won’t make you an expert. But they’re likely to educate you, possibly entertain you, and certainly make you think.
SM 101, by Jay Wiseman
The title makes this book an obvious choice for newcomers to the world of BDSM. It’s a broad yet thorough introduction to BDSM, covering the mental aspects as well as the practical “how-to” aspects. Wiseman discusses the psychology of power exchange and the motivations behind it, from both the dominant (or “top”) and submissive (or “bottom”) perspective. He also offers ideas for BDSM play, explaining different techniques and toys, and how they can add to both partners’ enjoyment. Throughout the book, Wiseman emphasizes safety above all else. He explains how to perform techniques safely, as well as why some activities are never safe and best left to fantasies and fiction.
Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely, by William Henkin and Sybil Holiday
This is another broad-based introductory book, offering safety tips, resources, and other information useful to BDSM newbies. A particularly smart and useful section is on differentiating between consensual BDSM and abuse. The book also contains a glossary of BDSM terms and even a list of other books, magazines, and Web resources.
The New Topping Book, by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton
This book is written more specifically for those new to BDSM who consider themselves dominants/tops. It guides the reader through the aspects that make someone a “good” dominant – most of which have nothing to do with tying knots or cracking a whip! Written in a very readable, conversational style, the book gets into the mental aspects of being a dominant, offers some advice on BDSM play and techniques, and covers the all-important area of safety.
The New Bottoming Book, by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton
By the same authors of The New Topping Book, written for submissives/bottoms. Just like its companion book, this one deals largely with the mental/emotional aspects of being a submissive, rather than hands-on instructions in techniques and toys. Reading this book is like talking to a trusted friend – everything in it is intended to help the reader be safe, happy, and fulfilled no matter how they express their sexuality through BDSM.
Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook, by Jay Wiseman.
By the author of SM 101, this book is a more specific how-to book for people who are beginning to explore erotic bondage and bondage play. It’s written with beginners in mind, as it describes different rope bondage techniques in detail, with clear step-by-step instructions that are easy to follow. As in SM 101, Wiseman covers the safety aspects of these techniques, a subject that can never be emphasized enough.
The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, by Midori,
This book is actually a step or two above beginner level, because Japanese rope bondage (known as shibari) is very intricate and time-consuming, and takes lots of practice. However, the book is included because it does provide clear step-by-step instructions through text and line art on how to achieve each bondage pose. Each chapter starts with a photo of the finished bondage pose, and even if beginners aren’t ready to attempt shibari bondage, the photos are stunning merely to view.
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon
This book is light-hearted but also very serious at the same time. It’s written by a couple, who alternate “talking” throughout the book. The style is very personal and conversational, and can tend towards too silly at times. However, even when the authors are joking with each other, they don’t treat BDSM as a joke. The book is a good resource for beginners, covering all the basics that newcomers need to know, such as safety, the reasons that people get involved in BDSM, and how-to ideas for fun BDSM play, including diagrams and explanations and helpful hints.
The Kinky Girl’s Guide to Dating, by Luna Grey
Learn about what life is like for a single woman today in the world of dominance, submission, BDSM, fetish. and kink. And don’t let the title fool you – the thrills and the mistakes that the author recounts are just as applicable to kinky guys as they are to kinky girls. The author shares her own experiences as she made her way into the BDSM lifestyle, trying to figure out who to trust, who to avoid, and what kinky people do on a first date.
When Someone You Love is Kinky, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt
This is an excellent book to help explain your interest and involvement in BDSM to non-kinky family and friends. You can, of course, just give them the book, but you can also read it yourself to find ways to “come out” as kinky to them. The book discusses, in very non-threatening terms, how the reality of kink is quite different than the myths. It’s a useful book to help the non-kinky people in your life understand that kink can be safe, sane, and welcoming.
