My oldest daughter, almost three, is going through a stage where she wants independence and perfection. As a result, she is easily frustrated when she can’t line up her cards just right or she drips yogurt on her shirt while feeding herself. This type of frustration is very common in young toddlers as they learn about their own abilities and the limitations of their size and age. Experts such as Dr. Sears have also written a great deal of information for helping parents deal with the trying toddler years. Learning to help your toddler handle their frustration on a daily basis is an essential part of their emotional and cognitive development.
1) Help them express their frustration verbally. When children are upset, they often lack the vocal ability to express that frustration. Help them think of a script for their anger. I often approach my daughter when I see her becoming frustrated and prompt her by saying, “It’s okay. Are you feeling frustrated that you can’t get all the blocks to stay stacked up?” Then I try to have her respond to me about her frustration, “I am frustrated that I can’t get my tower built tall enough.” Adding words to the situation can often help diffuse it.
2) Express your own frustration in front of your children. When I find myself upset or frustrated, I try to let my children hear me express it. I say things like, “Mommy is feeling very frustrated that we weren’t able to make it out of the house on time. Next time we’ll try to leave a little bit earlier so we don’t miss story time.” Again, I am helping my daughter create her own script and words for when she is frustrated through modeling.
3) Let your child experience some frustration, but be ready to step in and help. A simple solution might be to only allow your child to undertake tasks that you know that they can handle. However it’s necessary to allow them the opportunities to practice and learn new skills. Present them with tasks that they can handle with some assistance from you. Step in when they have difficulty and work together with your child on the problem. Do not resort to doing things for your child all the time. These are opportunities for them to learn and grow.
4) Set an example and stay calm. It can be easy to lose your own temper and patience when your child gets frustrated. When my toddler spills yogurt on her shirt and the floor while eating, I not only have to deal with her frustration, but with my own frustration that I now have to clean her and the floor. Take this as an opportunity to model for your child that these things are minor inconveniences and not worth getting upset over. Losing your temper won’t help anyone. In addition, your own reaction to a child’s frustration has the potential to start or curb a tantrum.
Toddler frustration can be a difficult stage to work through and overcome. However, with patience and attention, parents can help their child deal with their own emotions and grow in confidence and ability.
