Each Child is an individual and none of the good parenting ‘theories’ work all the time. Good parenting requires the parents to be creative as well as knowlegdeable. People follow the parenting habits of their parents, which may or may not have produced excellent results. Good parenting requires that you use the parenting techniques of your parents that were effective while at the same time realizing where they went wrong. You should also learn from the experience of others, from the innumerable books and articles on parenting. However, you should remember that it was ‘their’ experience with ‘their’ child. You cannot afford to copy other people blindly where parenting is concerned. Even though there can be no hard and fast rules of parenting, the following tips have come from the wisdom of the ages and can be used as guidelines to good parenting.
1. Don’t underestimate your child’s capabilities. Given the proper environment and tools children can learn much faster than adults. Children learn their mother tongue within a very short period, along with most of its grammar and syntax, a feat unequalled in adulthood. When childrenn are very young they learn by making mistakes, because there is no pressure to perform, either from parents or teachers. Don’t force young children to learn. Create a learning environment and let them learn at their own pace.
2. Avoid getting yourself into situations with your children where your patience is tested against the child’s. You have to give up ultimately in most cases. Children can be very stubborn if they want to. They know intuitively that you will not go beyond a certain point. In such cases just do the opposite of what the child expects you to do.
3. Never bribe your child. It is counter productive in the long run. Tell childen what is espected of them and why. Tell them that we all have duties and responsibilities that come with the previleges we all enjoy. Discuss with them the pros and cons of doing or not doing something. Appeal to their innate goodness. Every individual including children like to feel good about themselves.
4. Don’t make small children promise things because it is very difficult for them to keep promises. Don’t put them in a situation where they have to lie and receive punishment from you because they lied. This usually builds up resentment within the child and can result in a communication breakdown between you and the child. Never punish a child for telling the truth.
5. Don’t lie in front of children frequently. If you do have to lie then explain the situation to them, like you had lie to prevent someone from being hurt, etc. Ohterwise, children cannot understand why you expect them to be truthful, while you yourself lie frequently. Tell them when lying can be useful. Explain to them that usually one lie leads to many and can create a lot of inconvenience.
6. The rules you impose on children should go with their age. Don’t impose unreasonable rules just because you are the boss. Tell children why sometimes rules are needed for our own protection and benefit. Once you have set a reasonable rule and it is understood clearly, stick to it. Too frequent change of rules can confuse a child. By nature children will try to break rules just to test them. Be firm and let children know that you will not tolerate breaking of rules. Be consistent.
7. Many parents use guilt as a weapon with children. If childen are made to feel guilty frequently, they may develop a negative self image and feeling of inadequacy. Guilt usually lowers a child’s self esteem. Guilt is not an appropriate feeling for young children. Tell children that what they were did was bad and not they are bad.
8. Don’t use putdown words like, ‘you are good for nothing’, ‘you can never succeed’, ‘you are useless’, ‘you are stupid’. If used frequently they can affect a child’s self esteem. In such a case children will stop trying because they think that they are incapable of doing things right. If a child fails at something find out the reason for it. Think of when you were a child and remember how, the things we take for granted as adults, can seem very intimidating to a child.
9. Don’t be too strict with children. Children need onough space to learn by trial and error. We all learn by making mistakes and the heavens won’t fall if the child has made a mistake. Only the mistakes should not be habitual and intentional. Don’t let a deliberate wrongdoing by a child go unpunished. However, the punishment need not always be physical. The punishment should match the wrongdoing.
10. Finally don’t overindulge children. Many toys and games these days leave little to the imagination, that is why children get bored very fast and keep demanding newer ones. Give children toys and games where they can use a lot of imagination and play-acting. Don’t give children everything on demand. Children should learn that things cost money, you have to work for that money and you had to study and learn things to be able to do that work. Also the supply of money is not unlimited. Instant gratificaiton is the enemy of character building. Children should learn to cope with a few disappointments now and then.
