We are told in the book of Proverbs that a friend loves at all times. There couldn’t be a better definition of friendship. Most people are looking for a friend like that and when one is found, it is value beyond price.
So what makes a friend? Proverbs mentions love and that it is operating all the time. Love is a word that is so over used these days it’s hard to define in this context unless we consider what qualities make up love in friendship. We often think of love as an emotion, but when love expresses itself in action it can be exercised all the time not just when the emotional impulse kicks in. What does love look like in action? How does it operate in a friendship? When we examine love in this context we can see that it can operate all the time by the will of the person extending it. These qualities are what you want in a true friend.
A friend expresses love by caring about you first.
A real friend will want the best for you. He will want it even when it comes at a cost for himself. That kind of love requires your friend to be happy when you succeed even at his own expense. It’s being other-oriented rather than self-oriented. When you find a friend like that, hang onto him. It is rare indeed. Most people are interested in themselves and it requires the true quality of love to put another person first.
A friend expresses love by thinking the best of you.
If something is said or done that casts doubt on your character, a true friend will assume the best and be the first to defend you. He will give you the benefit of the doubt. He will expect the best of you and express his loyalty by letting you know he is for you. That kind of friend helps you to do more than you think you can.
A true friend exemplifies integrity.
Integrity is a character trait much to be desired in a friend. A friend is someone you can trust never to lie to you or about you. A friend is someone whose moral character is above reproach. You are confident you can trust his opinions. Confidences will not be betrayed no matter what. His word is good and you can trust him to follow through on it.
A friend expresses love by telling you the truth.
When you find a friend who will speak the truth with love, you have found a true friend. He loves you enough and wants the best for you enough to point out something you might be missing. You can trust a friend who loves you enough to tell you the truth even when you don’t like it. He is willing to risk the relationship because he wants the best for you.
A friend expresses love when he listens.
Listening is such a rare quality these days. A friend who is willing to listen to your troubles, your successes and failures, or just when you want to vent is a wonderful find. He doesn’t judge you because he knows you just need a sounding board and because he loves you he is able to be that for you.
A friend expresses love when he won’t bail because times get tough.
We have all heard of “fair weather” friends. A true friend sticks with you through thick and thin no matter what. You know you can count on friends like that. They are loyal to the core because they love you.
A friend expresses love when he doesn’t try to be your “all in all”.
He will recognize when you need to stand on your own and release you to do that. He will encourage you but let you move forward on your own decisions knowing that you need to grow and in turn be a better friend yourself. He will not feel threatened when other friends seem to take precedence in your life realizing that others can contribute things that he may not be able to. He is not jealous.
A true friendship likely has longevity.
A friend invites you to be yourself and enjoys the relationship you have with him. He will be around a long time. Long friendships are to be valued. Even if you are separated a reunion brings about the renewal of that relationship almost instantly. That is one of the signs you have a real friend. The relationship does not dissolve because of distance.
Cultivate those friends in whom you find these qualities. They make your life more complete. There is an old saying that “friends are the flowers in the garden of life. Flowers need to be cultivated and cared for. When you find friends like that, value them, cultivate them and grow from them.
Source:
Proverbs 17 (NIV Study Bible)
