If you haven’t heard of William Henry Harrison don’t worry, his only achievement as president of the United States, stunning as it was, involved dying of pneumonia only one month into his term. Not only was Harrison the first president ever to die in office (FDR thanks him for starting that trend) but he also holds the distinguished record for shortest term ever served. Talk about not following through on your campaign promises. Luckily, Harrison did some other interesting stuff before becoming president or this article would be pretty short. If you want to know more about the guy who was kinda a US president, keep reading.
Born in Virginia February 9, 1773, Harrison grew up among the wealthy planter class, experimented with college, but ultimately dropped out and joined the army. Even at a young age Harrison had difficulty finishing things. A long career of Indian killing began with his participation as a general’s aid in the Battle of Fallen Timbers. The success of this battle helped open up much of Middle America for settlement.
Despite the many Indians still left to kill, Harrison eventually resigned from the army to take up politics. In 1798 he became Secretary of the Northwest Territory and in 1801 took the position of governor of the Indiana Territory. He must have sure liked that Indiana Territory because he stuck with that post for 12 years.
Of course those Indians never really went away and they continued to bug Harrison with their constant refusal to move from their ancestral lands to make way for the white settlers. They can’t exactly be called settlers if they don’t have anywhere to settle now can they? Harrison respectfully disagreed with the Indians’ position. His respectful disagreement took the form of The Battle of Tippecanoe on Nov. 7, 1811, which no doubt involved much fun canoe tipping and not so fun people being killed. Though this battle didn’t really help with the whole constant Indian raids problem, Harrison gained much fame and, more importantly, a delightful slogan for his future presidential campaign: “Tippecanoe and Tyler, too!”
Well, in case you didn’t notice, the year 1811 is pretty close to 1812, and in 1812 there was a war. It was called, get this, The War of 1812. Since Harrison obviously didn’t mind killing himself a few Indians, he was all gung-ho for the war and as a brigadier general fought and won the Battle of Thames on Oct. 5, 1813. Not only did he get to kill some Frenchmen as well, Harrison’s victory permanently scattered the Indian Confederation. Not a bad day’s work.
For the next twenty years, Harrison lived a civilian life and didn’t really do anything very important aside from obviously not taking his daily multivitamin. His wife Anna, on the other hand, performed the amazing task of pumping out ten children. In 1840 the Whig party, which included Daniel Webster and Henry Clary – people we know were important but can’t remember why – were looking for a presidential candidate. They went with Harrison on account of him being so tough and brave. Ironic isn’t it? Of course you have to wonder if a party who can’t even spell the word “wig” right should even have a presidential candidate in the first place, but nonetheless Harrison defeated sitting president Martin Van Buren. Must have been the catchy slogan.
So, Harrison became President of the United States and a lot of good that did him. He refused to wear a coat at his inauguration despite chilly weather and rain. He figured wearing a coat would make him look weak and besides, only pansies who want to live to see the next year wear coats. Another bad decision was writing the longest inauguration address in presidential history. These are the kinds of decisions that haunt you forever, but luckily Harrison didn’t have long to regret them at all. A month later (April 4, 1841 for all you date freaks), Harrison died of pneumonia.
That was pretty much it for Harrison and the Whig party. Harrison’s vice president, John Tyler, took over the presidency and though he did survive his entire term, he probably wished for death right around the time his cabinet deserted him. Never again would the Whig party mount a successful presidential campaign. However, Harrison’s grandson, Benjamin, would follow his grandfather into the Oval Office in 1889. Benjamin un-notably did not die in office and probably did some other important stuff as well.
