In yet another tragic news story about teens who chose suicide over continuing to be victims of bullying, two fourteen year-old girls from Minnesota were found hanged on April 16, 2011. The bullying, according to the mothers of Haylee Fentress and Paige Moravetz, was done mostly via Facebook and text messaging. Haylee had, reportedly, told family members that peers had made fun of her weight and red hair. The parents of these teens had no clue that it would end this way. So who’s to blame? Schools? Parents of bullies? The media? A better question is… How do we make it stop? Schools and families have to teach tolerance, starting and a young age and continuing through high school.
Many schools tout “zero-tolerance” for bullying, but lack clear definitions for the types of behaviors that constitute bullying, clear consequences to be implemented for perpetrators, or the implementation of programs that deter bullying behavior. Curricula such as Olweus Bullying Prevention Program or Committee for Children’s Second Step and Steps to Respect can be used to promote a positive school climate by fostering an environment of respect, inclusion, and safety. Such programs could reduce bullying and other negative peer interactions, while increasing empathy and improving students’ social, friendship, and conflict-resolution skills. Programs like these are already in many schools. The problem is that they are not being used consistently.
School districts and administrators generally do not mandate or monitor the use of positive behavior intervention programs. Some administrators advise teachers to use them “as needed”. Widespread bullying, suicides, and school shootings tell us that we need to be more proactive. In teachers’ defense, however, there is already too much to teach and not enough time. Factor in dwindling resources and expanding class- sizes and it seems even less feasible. Yet, as little as 10-15 minutes a day of direct instruction on conflict-resolution, respect, tolerance , and other social skills would likely go a long way in improving a school’s climate.
Children and teens who bully typically do so for the following reasons: they have a strong need for power and dominance; they find satisfaction in causing injury and suffering to others; or they feel rewarded in some way for their behavior with material or psychological rewards. Bullies are often students who get into other trouble, such as fighting, theft, vandalism, or poor grades, but may also be cheerleaders, athletes, or otherwise seemingly well-behaved, well-adjusted students. Dan Olweus identifies these nine types of bullying:
1. Verbal bullying including derogatory comments and bad names
2. Bullying through social exclusion or isolation
3. Physical bullying such as hitting, kicking, shoving, and spitting
4. Bullying through lies and false rumors
5. Having money or other things taken or damaged by students who bully
6. Being threatened or being forced to do things by students who bully
7. Racial bullying
8. Sexual bullying
9. Cyber bullying (via cell phone or Internet)
As we have seen too many times, the effects of bullying can be tragic. Therefore, parents need to be proactive as well. You must teach and model tolerance, empathy, respect, and use of appropriate conflict-resolution strategies at home. Otherwise, schools’ efforts will be in vain. If you know or suspect that your child is engaging in any of the above behaviors, let them know that you find it unacceptable and consider seeking counseling for them. If your child is the victim of bullying, report it to your child’s school and seek support for them, through counseling or a support group. Some warning signs to look out for in victims of bullying include depression, low self-esteem, withdrawal, poor grades, health problems, and suicidal thought or comments.
More from Brandy:
How to Get Your Middle Schooler Ready for College
Four Rules for Improving Your Child’s Behavior
Resources:
http://www.olweus.org/public/bullying.page
http://www.cfchildren.org/ss-e-newsletter-april-2010/school-climate-and-sel/
