Thumb Wars: How to Consistently Keep Your Game Up at Thumb Wrestling

How I Am Able to Beat My Girlfriend (with much smaller hands) Consistently at Thumb Wrestling

While many of you closed minded individuals out there who may think that beating someone of the fairer gender or someone with considerably smaller hands at a game like thumb wrestling might be easy, I ask you to challenge your narrow preconceptions and reconsider. Before I employed smarter playing tactics I was getting beat more often than I’d cared to mention. I will admit that I wasn’t taking the game nearly as seriously as my smaller opponent and that was the challenge; maintaining that same level of focus and concentration all the way through to completion.

Remember David & Goliath?

There are a few things any serious thumb wrestling player will need to do in order to get themselves trained, both on the mat and off, in order to achieve a more excellent level of performance and a winning strategy with any level of consistency.

1)
Train Yourself – Body, Mind, Thumb: Thumb wresting is as much a sport as any other and it’s important to remember that if you’re there to play, chances are you’re there to play to win! Before you even approach someone with an outstretched hand or consider accepting a challenge of thumb war, you need to assure yourself that you are ready to play and that you want to win. One of the key mistakes the challenged consistently make is whimsically accepting when they’re taken by surprise from the notion of the match; their vanity looms large and they feel invincible. But the challenger obviously thinks that they can win; why else would they have even suggested it? Only accepting matches that you’re ready to win is the first thing you need to do.

2)
Physical Preparation: While the game of thumb wars can be very mentally taxing and emotionally strenuous, you need to be physically ready for the battle. That means your thumb physique must be tip-top; no accepting thumb wars after eating greasy food! Too many good thumbs have gone down for the count as others slip away and bop about in an unfair rout that’s best described as a blinding fury. One of the only honorable things you can do before you both play is go to your separate corners and dry off with a separate dry rag. This won’t do anything for pizza hands though so you should also consider calling for a washing. Oftentimes this isn’t possible given the circumstances, but if you truly are in it for a win then you need to choose your battles.

3)
Agree on the Count: Many people call it many ways. If this is your virginal thumb wars together you should probably agree on a way to begin (“One, two, three, four; I declare a thumb war,” is the long established favorite) my girlfriend and I are comfortable with just the “One, two, three” countdown.

4)
Maintain Honor: While my wily girlfriend and other lesser opponents will often flail about wildly or descend to lower latitudes, I always strive to maintain my footing on a flat surface, I never do a tag-team sneak attack with the index finger; it’s almost like when I’m playing the game or fighting the fight, I’m in my zone and it’s impossible to break me of my Zen like exactitude.

5)
Go For It! Once the match is in play there is nothing to distract me and nothing will inhibit me until I’ve won my round. This includes cell phones, door bells, text messaging, rising floodtides, television, fighter jets, loud neighbors, imminent fire danger, scent of warm apple pie, or cries of bloody murder (okay, once and a while, with my other hand, I’m able to read a text.) This level of play is what is required to fight the ultimate fight and win the war consistently; the thumb wars we all wage; all our lives.