While ring shopping for my wedding, it occurred to me that I hadn’t even been considering tradition, and that perhaps I ought to look into what was expected of me so I wouldn’t do something completely outlandish in utter ignorance. I knew I wanted to go for unique from the beginning, but I realized I didn’t even know what tradition was, and what tradition symbolized.
Most people probably know, but I didn’t – there is an order in which the wedding rings are ‘supposed’ to go on your finger, and some people are quite adamant about this. I don’t know how I missed the memo all my life, but it was just never something I thought about until my wedding was upon me. I had found a beautiful Celtic-knotted ring to serve as my wedding band (I wanted something to reflect my heritage), but it was designed such that it would have to sit on TOP of my engagement ring – not an issue at all to me, until I began to notice that every wedding-ring-adorned finger I saw sported the wedding band on the bottom. I saw one person with a band on both sides, and one other that did indeed have the wedding band on top – but it all got me wondering.
So I did a bit of research, and discovered that yes – there is a strict order, and it’s for a reason. However, while everyone was so adamant about their verdict in answering ‘does the wedding band go on top or bottom of the engagement ring’, I found their unwavering strictness a little bit unwarranted. They were all so absolute, so convicting: “You wear the wedding band below”, no questions asked. Post after post. No one bothered to say “traditionally, it’s this way, but all that really matters is what it symbolizes to you”. And isn’t that the case? Frankly, if you have both rings and you know what they mean to you, who cares what order they go in? In fact, some people don’t even have a wedding band, so why is it so important that it goes in a certain spot if you do? I can’t see that it’s as big a deal as people make it out to be.
There was this whole debate about “how am I supposed to get the wedding band below the engagement ring when it’s the engagement ring I’ll be wearing and the wedding band that will be placed on top during the ceremony?. There was a whole forum about what people do to make sure the rings get themselves in the right order – all these things like having the bride’s mother hold the engagement ring until after the ceremony, or wearing the engagement ring on the right hand until after the ceremony, or letting the band be treacherously placed on the finger and then switching the order after the ceremony… All these tricks, as if it is that important to ensure that little band MUST GO ON BOTTOM. All this silly effort. I mean, if you want it there, more glory to you. But there is no need to cast about wondering whatever-shall-you-do about this little issue.
The reason behind traditional placement, apparently, is that ‘you are supposed to wear the wedding band closest to your heart’. That is all good and well, I suppose, but still – why? Some might say something like the engagement ring is a promise of commitment to come, and the wedding band is the fulfillment of that promise, so by placing the engagement ring on top you are ‘sealing up’ the fulfillment. But I don’t see why the engagement ring can’t be a promise, and by putting the wedding band on top you ‘fulfill’ and ‘seal up’ that promise. That actually makes more sense to me.
One other reason for putting the engagement ring on top seemed to be that it made it, the more expensive piece, easier to remove for doing chores and such, or for safekeeping for any other reason.
But none of this convinced me that it was something I needed to follow or else my marriage would fail. I frankly don’t think it matters in the least. Wear it where you want to wear it!
