As I get older (and wiser?), I find that certain things annoy me more than ever before. I really dislike people who have no concept that they aren’t alone in the world (hey, neighbor who lets his dog poop in my yard? I’m talking about YOU!), I get highly annoyed by teenagers and young adults who yell profanities in places where there are obviously many families and young children (the zoo, anyone?), I’m disgusted by people who throw trash out their car windows or on the ground, and I’m aghast at the number of people who cannot write a coherent sentence in their mother tongue.
English was always my favorite subject, so it’s obviously a pet peeve of mine when people slaughter it. Obviously, I myself make my fair share of errors – I’ve been guilty of comma-splices on more than one occasion, and I have a terrible habit of ending sentences with a preposition. OK, fair enough, we all make mistakes, and typos are even easier to make. Some mistakes happen so frequently they have actually become acceptable English (“to boldly go where no man has gone before,” for example).
However, let’s face it, having a good grasp of the dominant language, particularly if you are a native speaker, and being able to use it in both the written and verbal form, are essential skills. If you cannot put together a sentence properly, your meaning will be murky, sometimes humorous, and no matter what level of education you have attained, you will put forth an air of ignorance. That’s not what any of us want. This goes for any language, by the way, and a person who is literate in his native tongue will generally find that he is equally literate in a second language, if he chooses to learn one (handy bit of information I’ve picked up over the years).
Recently, I read someone ranting about the dangerous effects of fog. FOG. F-O-G. Fog. Fog? What’s wrong with fog? Fog is little more than a low-lying cloud. Little tiny water droplets floating through the air. Maybe it’s just me, but I have no problems whatsoever with fog, unless I happen to be driving through it. Fog isn’t the enemy; smog is. Yes, I had to chuckle, but come on, two totally different words. Yes, maybe it was a slip of the fingers, but that one wrong word made the entire sentence laughable, as well as making it easier for me to dismiss the writer herself. Another moderately humorous incident occurred when a woman on a message board insisted she had bought her boyfriend an expensive “Rolodex” watch. Say what? Funny, yes, but it certainly doesn’t make anyone look any more intelligent.
Using proper grammar and appropriate words is one of the most important skills in today’s world. So much work is done online via the world wide web … when we put ourselves “out there,” the only thing anyone has on which to judge us is the written word. We need to make it count! We need to brush up on our skills, polish our writing abilities, and make that first impression really count.
First things first: know your sentence structure. A sentence has a noun and a verb. All the other stuff – adjectives, adverbs, conjunctions, etc. – is merely trimmings. Once you have your noun and verb, you need to make sure they agree. If you have a singular noun (boy), you should have a singular verb (swims). If your noun is plural (boys), your verb must also be plural (swim). It can get a bit more complicated if you start adding various things between the noun and the verb (the boy, along with his friends, likes to go swimming), but to double check yourself, simply cut out the extra (the boy … likes). This is very simple, once you get the hang of it.
Another hurdle for many people is determining which word goes where – they’re, their, or there. It’s or its. Where or were or wear. Loose and lose. A good rule of thumb is to remember that if you are using a conjunction, by which I mean you are shortening something like “there are,” you will use an apostrophe (they’re). Possessives also get apostrophes, but not if they are in pronoun form. For example, if we are talking about Michael’s boat, we would use an apostrophe. But if we say, “its deck,” we do not use an apostrophe. If you can remember “loose as a goose,” you should then be able to remember to “lose” the second O when writing lose. Definitely keep in mind that it’s best to be “quite” “quiet” when sitting in the library studying up on the rules of English grammar.
Speaking of apostrophes, all possessive nouns get them (not possessive PROnouns, though, remember). If Joe has a new skateboard, it’s Joe’s skateboard, not Joes skateboard. If Linda has red hair, it’s Linda’s red hair, not Lindas red hair. Simply putting an S at the end of a noun makes it plural. The apostrophe makes it possessive.
Misplaced modifiers make for some funny, if unclear, sentences. If Joe is putting an ad in the paper to sell his old skateboard, he may write, “Skateboard. Green and black design, perfect for teen boy with one wobbly wheel.” Why would the boy have a wobbly wheel? Joe would do far better to write his ad, “Green and black skateboard with wobbly wheel. Perfect for teen boy.” MUCH clearer and no need to worry about teen boys with wobbly wheels.
My personal favorite grammatical error (and apparently quite popular with politicians) – the malapropism. This is something like the “Rolodex/Rolex” issue: using one word for another similar-sounding word with a very different meaning. From our current President: “We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.” –George W. Bush. Obviously he meant “hostage,” but using the wrong word left his meaning unclear and his comment laughable. “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.” –Dan Quayle, Vice President. Or bonding, even!
I cannot stress the importance of learning these few simple rules. Yes, it will take time, but putting together a literate, easy-to-read document is incredibly important. You simply cannot blame your readers for misunderstanding you (as did Miss Rolodex). If you are not writing clearly, the blame is on your shoulders. It only takes a second to proof read your work. If you are unsure of the meaning of a word, look it up! If you are unsure whether or not something is right (not write), look it up! Ask questions. A dictionary is as close as a mouse click away (as are thesauruses). There’s just no good excuse for using the wrong word.
Now I have to sit back and hope I didn’t make any errors for you to find!
