“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
Aristotle
So you’re getting married. Congrats!
You asked her to marry you and thought the rest of the planning was going to be her department. Then she drops a bombshell bigger than when you found out that wrestling was fake – you have to write your own vows! After you pick yourself up off the floor, argue and finally accept the fact that she gets what she wants, you agree to do it. Now you’re scared out of your mind and have no idea where to start, right? Take a deep breath and we’ll get you through it – and it won’t be as bad as you imagine.
The first thing you need to do is get a good feel for what wedding vows should -and should not – be. As painful as it may be a great place to start is by taking a look at a few of her favorite wedding-related chick flicks. You know the ones you fell asleep while she wore the DVD out? I recommend skipping to the wedding scenes and taking a few notes of what the vows say. Seriously, it will help. Resist the urge to copy exactly what is said or you’ll have all the guests reciting lines with you.
Remember that the two most important parts of your vows should express how you feel about her and how you pledge (vow) yourself to her and your life together. What made you fall in love with your fiancé in the first place? Think about the things about her that make your heart skip a beat and use that as a way to express how you feel in a way that will make everyone reach for the tissues.
If you want to include a quote as part of your vows, make sure that the book, movie, song, etc. that the quote is from is of particular importance to the two of you and that it has relevance to the vows as a whole. Think context. If you’re talking about the first time you met, the song “Let’s Get It On” may be the first thing that comes to mind, but you need to remember that you’re speaking at your wedding. Your parents – and more to the point her parents – are presumably sitting just a few feet away from you. There’s probably going to be a video. Is that really something you want your kids to be watching years from now?
Consider using a few lines of your song – the one that always makes her cry. Or perhaps (don’t hate me here) a poem. Check the links included on this page for a couple of good resources that might help you come up with some good stuff that will make her mother think you’re the most eloquent guy since Bogart.
The overall tone and feeling of your vows should be true to your personality. If you are known as being a joker, an overly serious speech might come across as forced and impersonal. Conversely, too much humor spoken by someone with little or no jokes in his normal repertoire would not be a good way to go either.
Stick to what you know and make sure your words are indeed your words and that they express your feelings for the woman you’re about to spend the rest of your life with. Like it or not, this isn’t your wedding, it is hers!
The honeymoon on the other hand…
