Relationships are a very volatile thing. Some relationships are full of love and passion. While others lackluster and fester. There is no one book or teaching that will make every relationship perfect. Relationships, like life, are a work in progress.
The Kind Hearted Fool
I am not calling anyone a fool really. A Kind Hearted Fool is what it feels like you are when you are being kind and going unappreciated. This feeling comes from inside the person feeling it. The person who is the “criminal” of this crime is usually none the wiser.
Very often we do things for people only to receive something back in return. We either want their affection, appreciation, money or a return of a favor. That is not giving in love. That is giving in want. This is the basis of feeling unappreciated. “You are not giving me back what I expect, so I feel that you do not appreciate me.”
Not So Kind Hearted After All
We find that this “Kind Hearted Fool” is not so kind hearted. They have selfish intentions. They want what they want and will do what they have to do to get it.: by any means necessary. Even if it means that they extend themselves beyond what they really want to; these “fools” will give others the world.
It is a mistake to expect people to act the way that you want them to. Even though, it is okay to feel how you feel. During feelings of un-appreciation or some other type of hurt; you can choose to take different actions the next time. I always recommend that before you do for someone; check with yourself to be sure that you really want to do this with no strings attached.
If There Happen to Be Strings
It is okay for strings to be attached to a deed. I know! I just said two quite opposite lines in a row, but hear me out!
If you want to do something for someone, just so they can do something for you, then just tell them. It is better than hiding it. When you are upfront and honest people, then they will respect you more. I’m not saying that they will like it, but knowing your intentions will put them more at ease with you. If they have to guess your intentions, then they may be more suspicious.
You will not feel like such a “Kind Hearted Fool” if you are upfront with your friends, family and acquaintances. Let them know what you expect of them. Give them the choice to live up to your expectations or not.
Sure, they all won’t live up to your expectations. If you know that from the outset, then you can act accordingly the next time around. Some will let you know that they won’t live up to your expectations right up front. Others will think they can live up to your expectations; but fail. Some will surprise you. While others will definitely live up to your expectations.
From Inside Your Own Box
We live from inside our own boxes. We think that when we do something that feels good for us, for others, they should feel good about it too. The reality is that it is never like that. Everyone is different. Your love language may not be their love language.
You think you are being loving and your friend could care less. You think that you’re going to make her happy, but she gets upset. You may be about to surprise your love, but find out that they are offended to say the least.
How to Get Outside the Box
Now, this is where the work comes in. You have to actually listen to and get to know people. Get to know your family members, friends, classmates, your lover and whoever else you dote your attention on. Pay attention to how they react to different situations.
Think about how you would react to that same situation. Notice the difference. Then think about your differences and how funny it is. Know that to make them happy, you may have to do different things than what would make you happy.
Remember: while doing for others never extend yourself farther than your appreciation level. That means that if you will feel bad about doing something for another, then you shouldn’t do it.
