Strip Club Etiquette

In a place where so many societal norms are suspended it can be hard to know what the etiquette and rules are, to know where to go, what to do, and how to behave in a strip club or bikini bar. Being a stripper myself, I still remember that visiting a strip club for the first time can be a little daunting. Here are some general guidelines & helpful tips whether it’s your first time going to a strip club or you want to make sure you are always welcomed back.

Before You Go:

• Read club reviews, keeping your ideal experience in mind. Some clubs are small, quiet, and intimate. Others are huge, rowdy, and one big party. Some have private rooms, some don’t. Some will take bachelors up on stage, some won’t. Some clubs will have a wide variety of dancers and others will be catering to a specific audience. If a club has consistently bad reviews, look elsewhere, but don’t be shocked by a few bad reviews; clubs have very high & frequent turn-over. Bad strippers usually come & go pretty quickly but inspire more reviewers than the charming ones. Yelp will be good for the casual or just curious strip club customers & The Ultimate Strip Club List is a more in-depth resource (and not safe for work due to an abundance of adult advertisements).
• Check the club’s website for info on parking, cover charge and/or drink minimums, dress code, liquor, the level of nudity, and female customers if it’s a gentlemen’s club. There’s nothing worse than coming to the club without enough money, so you’ll want to know about any parking, cover, & drink fees. Dress codes at clubs are often as simple as forbidding athletic apparel like sweats & gym shorts, and sometimes extending to no gang paraphernalia. Depending on the laws in your area, clubs might have to choose between liquor & full nudity, so if one or the other is especially important to you or your group, double-check. In Washington state, for example, any venue offering adult entertainment cannot serve alcohol. If this is the case where you are a strip club with a bar next door is a good alternative to a road trip. As for the ladies, clubs often require that female customers be accompanied by at least one man, to help prevent dancers from other strip clubs coming in and leaving with their customers.
• Check the price of dances, too, and come prepared. All strip clubs will have an ATM and also accept most credit cards (American Express is rarely accepted), but usually charge high fees for the service. It’s a much better idea to take your money out ahead of time from your own bank’s ATM. Generally, you will want to come prepared to spend at least $100, bare minimum. If that’s out of your budget, then unless you’re going as part of someone’s wedding or birthday celebration stay home until it’s doable. Some clubs will offer table-side dances as cheap as $10 per song. Private and/or lap dances can cost from $15-$60 per song, and other options such as blocks of time or VIP/champagne rooms can cost hundreds of dollars at a time, depending on the number of strippers & customers involved.
• Always bring ID & a credit card & know where it is at all times. For obvious reasons. The credit card is just in case you blow through the cash you brought with you, or you over-indulge at the bar & need a taxi home that wasn’t in your original budget.
• Mind your personal hygene & attire. Please oh please do not come straight from your construction job or the gym. While it is on the performers to impress & seduce you, no dancer will be willing to hurt her money by dancing for you & coming away smelling like a garage or all scratched up by heavy-duty work pants. Also avoid belt buckles with sharp edges or points. If you show up in slacks with a nice collared shirt & dress shoes, girls will trying to dance for you while avoiding the jeans & sneakers crowd, anyway.

When You Arrive:

• If there’s a doorman, he’ll check your ID & take your cover fee. If not, wander up to the bar.
• If you need to use your cell phone, do so out of sight of the stage & seating area. Even if it’s just a text message. If a bouncer even suspects you of trying to get a picture of a girl, or a phone number, you may be thrown out. Big no-no.
• If you sit at the stage, come prepared with dollar bills or get some at the bar before sitting down. The seats closest to the stage are obviously the best seats in the house, however, sitting at the stage & not tipping dancers is extremely rude. Most clubs will come and ask you to move if you aren’t tipping at least $1 per each stripper & this marks you as cheap to the dancers (meaning the one who looks like your ultimate fantasy may steer clear of you). Ask a dancer or staff member what the rules at the stage are, as some states have rules that you can only get so close to the dancers. If this is the case, just set or toss your money up on stage. Regardless, only put your money in a dancer’s clothing or garter if the dancer presents it to you. Never touch the dancers on stage unless she invites you to do so.
• If you are coming to see a specific girl or are more interested in conversation or private dances, then sit farther back from the stage.
• If you want a better show, tip the dancer. If you see something you like & want more of it, tip the dancer. If you’re enjoying her company, tip the dancer. In the United States especially, nearly all dancers are independent contractors & are paying the club for their time there plus a percentage of their dances. They are only paid to entertain you if you physically put that money in their hands. Otherwise don’t be surprised if strippers move on quickly or pay little attention. It’s their job to go where the money is or they may leave work with less than they came in with. So don’t be offended.
• Girls will approach you for dances, sometimes as soon as you get in the club. If you are not interested in dances, be upfront about it. If you just aren’t interested in that particular stripper, just tell her you’re waiting for another dancer (she may even help you find someone you would like). Even the most gorgeous exotic dancers hear “no” hundreds of times in a shift. We appreciate when you save us time & money by being honest instead of saying “maybe later”. Most customers will say this, and not mean it. If you sincerely want a dancer to come back hand her a tip & make it clear you do want to dance with her but you need a few songs to relax first.
• Do not ask a dancer is the the name she gives you is her real name, and do not ask what her real name is. At best, a very nice stripper with grace will give you yet another fake name. Don’t ask.
• At some clubs, partly to keep the peace, dancers will not come up to you if you are already sitting with another dancer. If you want to entertained by more than one stripper at a time, be willing to pay for it & just say so! Girls often love to work together & while dances with multiple girls will be more expensive, it might be some of the most fun you’ve ever had. Put it on the bucket list.
• Talk about prices & dance types BEFORE your dances start & be very clear if you have a spending limit you want to stick to. Feel free to ask if there are any specials running or to try to negotiate politely, but don’t be surprised if the dancer doesn’t budge. Prices are usually set by the club, which counts the dances each stripper does carefully so they can take their cut which can be as much as 50%. If you want to buy multiple dances or a block of time, make this clear right away to get better dances & so you won’t get interrupted by her stage rotation.
• Some clubs will send a waitress around to ask you if you’d like to buy the dancer a drink, whether the club serves alcohol or not. If the club does serve booze, make sure to be gracious if the dancer just wants Evian or something. Dancing in eight-inch heels while drunk is hard. If there’s no booze, the cost of the drink likely goes towards the amount the stripper owes the strip club at the end of the night. If you want to appear generous, which you do if you want better dances, either buy the lady a drink, or decline & slip her a few bucks instead if you’d rather your money goes straight to the dancer.
• If you are just interested in flirtatious conversation or someone to kvetch to, there are plenty of dancers who are happy to take some time to sit & have a drink with you- as long as you are tipping well. Unless they are tired or their feet hurt, they won’t sit and talk for just a buck or two when there’s other potential sales out there.
• Use common sense & be polite to the dancers. You never know which one is dating the bouncer!

On The Couches:

• The rules for dances vary wildly from one gentlemen’s club to another, even in the same state or country, sometimes from one dancer to another. Never assume a certain amount of nudity, touching, or time comes standard, even if you are spending a larger chunk of money. It is usually safe to assume that while the dancer may put her body on you, you must keep your hands on the bench. If more touching is allowed, the dancer will usually guide your hands so you don’t get in trouble. Otherwise, always ask permission before touching a dancer. You may not think a bouncer is watching, but the club only makes money if they know who’s doing what & when. They are watching.
• If the club allows it, many dancers will be happy to dance for couples. Just ask! Exotic dancers may stay away from customers of their gender out of fear of making you uncomfortable. Take the initiative.
• Don’t change your mind half-way through a song unless you are willing to pay for the whole song anyways. The club will charge the dancer for it, so she will charge you. If you are in disagreement, speak to a manager who can check the dance count for you.
• Performing actual sex acts for money is illegal in most of the United States & in many other countries as well. A strip club is not the right place to seek out such things. For reasons of legality there is a distinct line between strippers and prostitutes. So do not ask a dancer for illegal acts. Strippers are there to make money, and if such services were available, they would be actively trying to offer & sell them to you. Again, just don’t ask.
• Remember that your stripper is neither a robot nor a piece of meat. Respect him or her & the dancer will respect you. She is an entertainer and you have bought a performance for a period of time. If you want a little dirty talk or if you’d appreciate seeing a lot of certain favorite body parts, etc., go ahead & express your preferences. Many dancers will indulge you in legal, light, playful fetishes, especially if you offer to tip. Just don’t expect to be flogged or have her feet in your face. A strip club is not “anything goes”. The menu is limited.
• When your dances are over, don’t forget to tip! There isn’t a steady percentage guideline for tipping for lap dances. If you have already been generous with tips & drinks, then just a little something extra is fine. If not or if you want the dancer to remember you well & recommend you to other strippers, be generous. Anyone you saw walk in who instantly had strippers smothering them with affection/attention probably tips around 30%, just for reference.

Finally, two big all-important rules: Never, ever, try to get a stripper to go out with you. Trust me. We are not shy & we go after what we want. If we want to go home with you we’ll make it very apparent. Most men go to strip clubs because they want to feel wanted, pursued, appreciated, and so of course part of you thinks she really digs you. That’s the fun! That’s the idea! Don’t shatter the fantasy and be “that guy”. Ladies, same goes for you. And never, ever, try to not pay a dancer what you owe. Every single staff member in that strip club makes FAR more money off of tips from those dancers than they do from the club. If the dancer doesn’t get paid, they don’t get paid. The only time I’ve ever seen anyone get arrested in a strip club, it was a customer who went to walk out without paying, who got a lecture from the officer in front of the bachelor & his fellow grooms’ men about stealing from hard-working young ladies. How embarrassing… If you feel you’re being hustled for more than you owe, speak to a manger immediately. It’s in the club’s interest to make sure dancers do not over-charge, especially in the age of online reviews.

Beyond that, get your paper out & have fun! And of course keep your eye out for more articles on how to date a stripper, how to become a stripper, & why men go to strip clubs.

Cheers!