Welcome to the world of Step-fatherhood. Having this role should be considered an honor. It can be tough sometimes but can also be very rewarding. To know that you are raising a child other than your own can be very challenging especially if the child is a little older and understands what is happening. My main focus for this is the relationship between Stepfather and Stepson. This relationship is very difficult when the child knows his real father or if he still has a relationship with him also. Sometimes there can be tension between the new Dad and the Son. Patience here is always good to have.
Stepfathers in this position should get to know the child, spend time bonding with him. Just as if the child were your own. That is why you assumed this role after all, right, to be a father figure in his life? Communication is the key. Talk about anything and everything. This makes the child feel comfortable and let him know that you care about his feelings and what is going on around him. Never ever talk down about the real father in any shape or form, even if the child does. When the child is older he may not feel the same. Right now he may feel resentment toward the real father or like he has been abandoned. In some cases the child may feel it’s his fault somehow that the real father is not involved or less involved than he should be. Let him express those feelings, and show that you understand how he feels, angry etc.
Set these feelings at ease by, as I said before, COMMUNICATION. Get involved in school programs the child participates in. If you can’t be involved at least show up to support the child. Taking interest in things they participate in gives them a sense of approval. Maybe there isn’t anything that interest the child at school, instead he likes being outdoors or playing video games. Anything you can do to be involved is always good. Showing him that he can count on you is the key.
Dinnertime is always a good time to talk about the events of the day with the child. This is great to do as a Family as well not just one on one. Father son picnics are a great idea as well. Go to a park for the day or maybe just go for a drive to see the sights of the state you live in. You don’t have to do this everyday or even every week, but once in a while just you and the step son should bond this way. It makes him feel special and you will feel rewarded as well by bonding with him.
In this type of relationship you want to be the child’s friend but also remember you are the adult as well as a parent. If you have children already that won’t be hard but if you do not it can be tough at times. That is why you should have a support system as well. There are many places online for Stepfathers to chat with each other. Get ideas or suggestions for outings or even seek advice for stressful situations. Amazing how many Dad’s there are out there. And remember, someone else may have given him life but you have chosen to help shape him for reality later on. It is a privilege, take pride in it and do your best. After all you didn’t just marry Mom; you married the child as well. And as the saying goes “If Momma’s happy, everybody is happy”.
