Renting jet skis and tooling around the gorgeous blue green waters of the Caribbean looked very tempting to me when I visited the Bahamas several years ago and again when I was at Atlantis Resort just recently. I resisted the urge to rent them the first time but succumbed on my recent trip to the Bahamas when I stayed at the Atlantis on Paradise Island. I just had a bad feeling about the guys renting them on the first trip…
To rent a jet ski in the Bahamas, simply go down to the beach at the hotel you are staying at and look for the jet skis. By now, you probably will have seen a sign put up somewhere by the hotel stating that they have nothing to do with any of the beach vendors and will take no responsibility for them. Wise words on their part.
You see, the locals who rent jet skis in the Bahamas have quite the look of a Chicago parking lot attendant; you really wonder about turning over your car to him. The Bahamians renting the jet skis live a very care free life on the beach, and are not business-like in appearance whatsoever. Furthermore, you might even be treated to a knockdown, drag out fight amongst them such as we saw on Atlantis beach on Paradise Island.
But what else are you going to do? You see them tantalizing you by riding the jet skis around trying to attract your attention, and you aren’t turned completely away by the price ($60 for 30 minutes $120 for an hour – discounted to $100, of course), so you approach them. That is, if they haven’t approached you first as you were strolling along the beach minding your own business.
The day I decided to go for it, I walked near enough for a guy I’ll call “Milhous” (to protect his identity) to tell me that he would make me a great deal. $100 for an hour, discounted from $120. I told him we had five in our family. Well, he said, you’ll need 3 jet skis. Ok, I countered, what kind of a deal will you give me on 3? His response was that the money was the same (and they only take cash), but he would give us an extra 10 minutes.
So, I asked, how do I know when an hour is up (I have no waterproof watch). From Atlantis Beach (one of three beaches on the Atlantis Resort property) on Paradise Island, Milhous told me that we could cruise over to Eddie Murphy Island (the one the actor bought), then cruise over to the small island where they do the dolphin encounter and come back; then an extra bonus 10 minutes just goofing around on the jet ski. I told him I would be back and he emphasized to ask for him and only him (each man for himself, you know).
Great. We went up to the room to get some cash and grab a snack; my daughter offered me a cheap waterproof watch to carry, then back to the beach we went. About 2 hours had passed since my conversation with Milhous. As soon as I entered the beach, one of the sharks – I mean, Jet Ski Rental entrepreneurs – approached me about renting jet skis. I asked for Milhouse and was told he wasn’t there today. I told him I already spoke to Milhous (today) and that he had offered me a great deal.
This guy offered me the same deal. He told me he would get me 3 jet skis full of gas (make a mental note of this “full of gas” part) and as we walked he casually pointed to a guy laying on the beach and said “there’s Milhous there”.
He called over another shark – I mean , Jet Ski Rental entrepreneur – handed him $100 of the $300 I had given him and told him to fetch a jet ski. I’ll call this guy “Slick”. There was a bit of commotion and confusion getting 3 jet skis, and it was clear that no one was in overall charge of the entire enterprise. Eventually we were all situated and ready to go. I had looked at the watch, which I knew to be about 5 minutes fast, after I handed the first guy the money. The watch read about 2:18pm and I calculated it to be another 2 minutes or so before we were on a jet ski and ready to shove off – call it 2:20pm on my watch.
Now the kid who helped us get onto the jet skis I will call “GoldTooth”; he called himself the good tip guy – obviously bucking for a bonus. He actually was a pleasant and helpful chap and I would not classify him as a shark like the others. But he did tell us to stay in the area in front of Atlantis Beach where they could see us in case we needed help (make another mental note here). I mentioned Eddie Murphy Island and all of that and he just frowned and stated that we could see everything without going past “the point” – wherever that was.
Off we went. One of the first things I noticed on my jet ski was a tachometer and a gas guage; neither of the other 2 jet skis had the gas gauge; just the tach on the one and completely missing gauges on the other. The gas gauge read in digital bars and I’m guessing there were 8 total bars. The guage read 2 bars. On the way to the point and Eddie Murphy Island (I wanted to at least get a decent look), the 2 bars started flashing along with a red “low gas warning” light. So much for the 3 jet skis “full of gas”. I headed back.
I arrive at the beach, approximately 15 – 20 minutes into my 1 hour (plus 10 bonus minutes) ride. GoldTooth grins big and asked me if I had a good time. “I’m not even close to done with my hour yet” I practically yell at him, “this thing says it’s low on gas”. GoldTooth kind of frowns and tells me not to worry about that and to go back out and finish my hour.
So the three of us headed back toward Eddie Murphy Island at a pretty good clip, me in the lead. I glance back occasionally to make sure everyone is with me, and as I get to “the point” and glance back I notice only 1 jet ski behind me, its riders trying to get my attention. We quickly come to the realization that our other rider, my daughter, who was riding single, has gone missing. I do a 180 and crank up my jet ski to as fast as I dared. Soon I see a candidate, 2 jet skis stopped in the water. One of them is my daughter, the other a nice guy who stopped to help. Whether he is just a nice guy or saw an opportunity to impress a damsel in distress I don’t know. Either way it was nice that he stopped. He seemed to know jet skis enough to determine that she was out of gas.
Since probably 10 minutes have passed since she ran out – and no one watching in case we needed help has arrived – I head back to the shark lair. I pull up on the beach and there’s GoldTooth asking me if I had a good time. “NO!” I shout, “one of our jet skis is out of gas and stranded!”. So someone takes my jet ski and heads out to help. Now I’m spending part of my $100 jet ski ride standing on the beach with my rider; our second jet ski is just arriving at the beach with her rider. She happens to be on “Slick’s” jet ski and so begins the next chapter of the drama.
Slick now wants his jet ski back so he can rent it to the next guy waiting. I protest that not only is our hour not even close to used up, but our bonus 10 minutes besides. He says that “the boss” may have offered me an extra 10 minutes for the jet ski I was on, but this other jet ski is his personally owned jet ski and he is only giving me the hour. “Fine”, I say, but that hour isn’t close to up yet. I told him we left at 2:20 and it’s now about quarter to 3. He emphatically responds “No, Sir!” you left at 2:10 and promptly pulls out his cell phone and shows me the time on it.
Ok, fine, I know my watch is 5 minutes fast and he probably starts the clock when his slippery hands grabbed the C-note from “the boss”, but we still have time left and I want it. So he sends us back out on his “personally-owned jet ski” to get our time, not caring that we originally thought we might get to “ride together!” with all 3 jet skis.
(This was when we were treated to the fight scene. Two guys began viciously fighting, one of whom was shoving handfuls of sand down the throat of what seemed to be the victim while at the same time shoving his head under a jet ski. Two guys on each of those two hastily began trying to pull them apart. This was the only time when all of the sharks appeared cohesive in that they slowly came to the realization that this was probably bad for business and therefore should intercede.)
By this time the other jet ski has returned with the crippled one in tow and another set of 2 of us head out on the good one. From here on, we only have 2 jet skis, not the 3 we paid for.
This time it seemed prudent to stay close. Not only was one of our family left stranded on the beach near the shark lair, and who knows how much gas we have (probably not much), but there also were some ominous clouds approaching.
Finally, we pull back up to the beach and end our jet ski “adventure”. Slick is happy to get his personally-owned jet ski back and quite frankly I would have loved to give it to him in a particular part of his anatomy; but being terribly outnumbered and in a foreign country I wisely remained calm. My watch said 3:05 (5 minutes fast, remember), a full 10 minutes short of the time paid for. Let’s don’t even mention the bonus 10 minutes, ok? So Slick wants me to shake hands and not be mad (there was more dialog between us that I am sparing you). I tell him “Yeah, sure”. Then I ask him what time his precious cell phone says it is. This time he holds it so I can’t see it (as if I’m the one from the 3rd world country) and says (with a toothy smile) “3:10”.
“Like heck”, I respond with a bit of glare in my eye. And we walked off the beach ever so glad they didn’t take credit cards, as they may have tempted me to have used one. Who knows what that could have led to.
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