Pinewood Derby is supposed to be about good-natured fun, a chance for Cub Scouts and parents to work together to build a car and a memory – a friendly competition. But, come race day, the unspoken reality is that the actual race is anything but. That little Pinewood Derby car, which took weeks to build, becomes the center of fierce, almost savage competition to become one of the winners. It makes sense. Pinewood Derby winners get trophies, bragging rights. For Scouts whose cars weren’t winners, they have to settle for the “It’s Not About Winning” speech. With that in mind, here are some different Pinewood Derby Car Winners.
Pinewood Derby Car Winners You’ll Never See See if anyone in your scout pack deserves one of these trophies.
Pinewood Derby Car Least Likely to Have Been Touched By a Cub Scout You know this car. It’s the Pinewood Derby car equivalent to baseball players on steroids. The car itself looks like it was built by Honda engineers. The dad typically has this look of abject fear as his son finally gets his hands on the car and carries it to the check in – if the scout is even allowed to handle the car at all.
Dad Most Into the Race Whose Son is Least into It This trophy goes to the dad who is way more interested in the race than his son. Chances are this scout’s dad spent much more time on the car than his son, so of course, he has a lot more riding on the outcome of the race.
Most Graphite The winner of this trophy is the Pinewood Derby car that looks like it took a bath in graphite. Usually the car leaves a dust cloud of graphite as it speeds down the track.
Pinewood Derby Car Most Likely Bought on Ebay These Pinewood Derby Car winners won the race the old-fashioned way – they bought their way to victory, setting a great example for their kids on how the adult world really works.
Most Photographed Pinewood Derby Car Digital cameras have made this award possible. The winners of this award are the ones who took the most pictures of their Pinewood Derby car prior to race day. Extra points are awarded if they used a checkered flag of sheet as a backdrop to make the car look like it was photographed for a Chevy commercial.
Most Competitive Dad Trying Hardest to Appear Disinterested To judge the winners in this category, take a look around during the race. Watch for the dads who steal glances at the race. Usually they’ll check the board for the race times of the cars, noting only the fastest cars – those cars in direct competition with theirs. Most of the time they’ll feign disinterest in the race, but when the cars that can beat theirs are up, they’ll be zoned in like a targeting computer.
Why should the Pinewood Derby car winners be limited to just the fastest and best looking and most original cars when there are a whole host of extra award categories that can be handed out come trophy time? It doesn’t seem fair that the person who put in the most work on the car should be excluded from winning an award. After all, what kind of lesson does that teach a kid?
