It is sound to be watchful but unhealthy to be paranoid.
Conditioning
When I was young, I would always tolerantly obey whatever my parents and relatives said, because back then, I believed they were always right. I could say that being the eldest, I was overprotected. I was often lectured of the dangers here and there, the cons of this and that. I was deprived of the stories about the beauty, the pros and the possibilities of things. I got to the point where I felt that I had no identity. I didn’t have my own choices and I was living in the shadows.
Growing Up
Growing up with so many cautions, I had my fair share of inhibitions which resulted to paranoia. It is the behavior of being obsessively anxious about something. It’s that feeling that something bad will always happen. I would often scrutinize a hotel room for any suspicious holes, marks, or unusual designs. I am literally like a sniffing K-9 dog. Or a scout on a war gaining information about the enemies and the ground. I would check if the mirrors are two-way or if an easy access by an outsider is possible. There were times that the fear of unfounded danger was amplified I thought that one of the hotel staff will come into my room and was after me.
Living in fear
I had for the longest time lived with fear that consciously paralyzed me. I was asking myself if I was too wrapped up with my own thoughts. As time went by, I realized how I had been missing a lot in my life due to all these unfounded anxieties.
On my own
To overcome this paranoia, I felt the need to detach and do things on my own. I now live far away from family and friends. It’s much easier when I released myself from the naysayers and all the negative people around me so I can do what I want to do.
The voice within tells me that everything is all in the mind, that risks don’t always mean dangers, and it’s my own will whether I would believe every single thing I was told of or not. I have the freedom of deciding to stay in one safe and familiar place or go out of my way to see the unfamiliar. And yes, it’s true that not all people out there have good intentions, but that doesn’t prevent me from knowing and reaching out to people, extending my hands, and letting them into my world.
I am continuously discovering the world at my own pace, carrying with me that sense of wonder and creativity. In my own opinion and observation, the essence of life consists of doing things, getting hurt once in a while and yet learning from it. I guess the antidote for fear is regret. There were times when I would imagine growing old without having tried the things I long had planned to do and I tell you — nothing in the world was as scary as that.
For now, I feel like I belong to a place where anything and everything can just happen, and I am very much excited to just catch up with life.
